Focusing on the Good, and Riding Out the Extreme Emotions – August 24, 2014

With everything that keeps hitting us, it can be hard to focus on the good, the miraculous, and any lucky breaks we get; especially small ones.  When life continues to throw you the bad stuff you begin to wonder what life is all for? What is it all worth?  Then you hear about suicides, people killing and torturing one another right in front of the world… that’s when I really begin to question life, and what good is there left?  It becomes sad, depressing, and scary and therefore it just hurts all over to try and think of anything, even if it is the good stuff.

It is times like this that makes me glad I am home with my family for the time being as we all come together and work to help one another during this period when our own little world is hurting, and the rest of the world seems to be in just as much pain, or worse.

This is when I have to really have to meditate, tune out the rest of the world and just pray with all my heart, my mind, my soul, hope, and faith I have in my entire being.  I give all these pains and feelings of despair to the Big Guy of the universe and ask for me to shift my focus: to any happy events that occurred amidst the turmoil, how I am blessed, the awesome family and friends around me. 

I discovered in my thirties how I am no longer surprised by the horrible things that come my way, and yet, I can still fear; anxious-fear that causes a huge jolt of adrenaline fueled panic in me.  These days, with all that has happened, as soon as I have any happy moment I know there will be another obstacle to come at me, it never fails and it comes really fast.  It seems as if life is getting good, then suddenly I am back where I was before the joyous moment.  I get confused, annoyed, saddened, and yet I recover a little more quickly through leaning on others and praying. Nonetheless, I get angry with myself for how extreme my emotions get on my insides…

One moment I am afraid of everything, and somehow terrified of nothing…

Even feeling as if I know everything and yet at the same time that angst of knowing nothing…

I know who I am, but when certain crisis’ hit I suddenly feel like I don’t recognize myself…

Wondering what I am doing sometimes including with all this writing (given my life and chain of events) and yet I feel like I am right where I am supposed to be and know it is right…

Sometimes when I feel my weakest I also feel incredible strength…

At times when I am very brave I am also extremely terrified…

Or when am I hopeful I can seem hopeless…

At moments of when I feel I am completely stupid it feels like I know everything too…

Despite many of the negative thoughts I have had of people and the world we live in, I feel and think more positively… I experience more love, care, spiritual strength.

~Ange.



Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.