This is a topic I am sure many of us out there has dwelled upon and discussed amongst ourselves, as I too have witnessed some debates on the matter, well, even arguments. The matter is about the frequency of cell phones in use. For me, I have very personal feelings on this topic. As some of you may have already deduced from previous blogs I have this feeling of hatred toward my own cell phone.
I will not be explaining my anger toward others on cell phones when they are in motion: meaning when people are using them while on foot, biking, or driving... or any other way I may have missed mentioning where accidents were caused, injuries or even deaths. If I had a discussion on the topic of the dangers of cellular devices it would require a whole other blog, and it's just too heartbreaking and makes me want to cry when I think on it. Instead, I am merely discussing my anger I have towards cell phones with respect to them being used in the presence of other people in social gatherings. You know... people using their phones when they are supposed to be spending quality time together. To start off, I would like to share my resentment toward my cell.
I didn't always dislike my cell phone as much as I do now. But in recent years the emotion of hate toward it certainly has grew. Did I mention I have a list (I like making lists) of reason why I hate mine in particular? I have a list:
-A heavy a reliance on it due to the pressures and expectations from others in my life to pay attention and respond to anything they send to me through the cell immediately. And most often these are people who are constantly on their cell phones (big surprise).
-In relation to the first reason where people are getting angry or stressed by a non-immediate response, it's funny how I could write something I require immediate attention to and could even write, "URGENT!" in my messages but I don't get an answer for a long time; even too late in some cases. Thus, that too makes me hate the beastly gadget (yes I am aware that by now I should be angry at the people and not the cell but alas I hate it anyway and blame it still, and at least I am honest about it).
-I hate the noises it makes. Any noise it makes, including vibrations and the messages I can sense coming through even though I have it on silent modes. I have disturbed a few pals on my ability to be able to sense things coming through on the cell when it is quiet.
-The days I want everyone to leave me alone is when the phone gets the busiest. And if it is urgent then I have to keep it on, especially with the number of emergencies and crises I have been dealing with in my life I of course keep it on and ensure that everything is resolved and everyone is okay. But, it feels like a flood hitting me when this happens and I am held down and can't get a up; a metaphor that my life keeps getting stalled by one emergency after another and can't move forward.
However, when the world does not need saving and I am certain I can get away with it I save my own senses instead and turn the phone off. It gives me rest, and a much peaceful end to my day without any technological distractions. For instance, the usual things happen like all those lovely walks, books to read, things to write about, sitting down and doing art hobbies, or even clean... and all without distractions from anyone else. It's nice, like how living was when I was younger and there was no cell phone and I didn't have to check it constantly, and just live.
My idea of living is drinking in the moments of life with other people in it (yes even to this lone wolf). That's where I am going into with how people are annoying me by being more focused on their phones than what is going on right in front of them. I get angry about it, even sad.
Sadly, in almost every outing with a group of people I am with there is someone (even more than one person in the group doing it) who focuses on their cell phone instead of listening to other people who are speaking. Sometimes it is even throughout the whole social outing.
We could debate on the issue of emergencies or bad things going on in peoples' lives that requires them to keep it on and keep checking to make sure everything is alright, but honestly, my take is this, do what I do, and maybe stay at home. Perhaps that notion doesn't work for everyone and they still want to have a social life while needing to be on the phone all the time in case something bad happens, however, is that really having a social life? Maybe I am wrong. When I stay at home because I know I need to take all those phone calls and messages because there is a crisis to deal with it is easier for me to deal with it there. Even though I am missing out on the social outing I am missing out on it at home, and not in front of other people while I am consistently staring at my phone or taking calls or messages in the middle of the gathering. I feel like if I cannot be immersed in the social gatherings of the people I love and care about then people will either be offended or deeply concerned if I am on the phone the whole time because things are not going well in my life. I either need to be alone, or, when it's not to be a fun time together and a private time to vent then my trusted buddies and I go do that. There are more appropriate locations that are more reserved and quiet for such times to me. And from what I have experienced most people leave a social gathering or don't show up when things are urgent in their lives.
When you know it is not an emergency and people are still starting at the phone rather than being involved in the people who are talking, I have a problem with that. That makes me feel like that whoever is speaking in that moment is not being heard, their feelings are being ignored, their stories do no compute with the cellular user at present. Worse, that means they are disrespectful, and they don't think others are important when they are on that cell phone and not putting it down, or turning it off when someone is speaking to them. It also makes me think there is some sort of self-centeredness going on, what I mean is, it comes across that unless the attention is on them then they are finding it elsewhere. Well, that's my thought, I could be wrong. Or, another way to word it... the attention from the phone seems so self-important that it takes precedence over others they could be visiting with at present. Am I wrong? Maybe, but that's what makes me think on the matter.
Recently a coworker asked me question when this topic came up and it got slightly heated amongst a few people: what do you do then, just turn it off? And my answer was, YES! Everyone, I do turn it off.
When I am socializing with other people, I turn it off. I do follow my own rules with myself.
Why? How can I just put it away like that? Well, because if I am constantly focused on the phone or worried about the next emergency or crisis, I miss out on what's most important, and what is most important is people.
This lonewolf still loves people, and is still curious about the world around her, and everyone's stories. I love listening to other people and listening about their lives; I not only love and care about them I love what everyone has to teach me. I am fascinated by the person or people in front of me and I hope that they feel like I am fully into them and their lives and hanging on their every word, even feeling what they are feeing; whether it is sadness or anger, or happy and excited for the things that are happening in their lives... I want to be there for them and never let them doubt that I am. It's called love, being supportive, respectful and living in the moments with them. Or, as the old saying goes, drinking in those precious moments of life with them.
~Ange
Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made To Her Thirties.
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