There are some things that this world and my spirit have taught me that I have felt I should be mindful of. Even take the time every day while I pray and meditate to dwell on them. Those are:
-Being grateful for what I have.
-Count my blessings.
-Think of my family, my friends, and other people I come across; taking a good look at them and pray for what they need, even if it’s just comfort and care.
-Give what I can to others, even if it's just of myself.
Not everyone has loved ones or support from others that many of us do. Many in the world do not even have their basic needs covered: food, clothing, shelter, water, safety and security, or even a family.
Sadly, over thirty years later I am still learning about what to do, how I can help, and what poverty is all about. I am still trying in ways to see what I can do to help while also (still learning this one) how to take care of myself. I ask myself what I should be doing and what am I capable of in giving aid.
We all pass many people who live on the streets and turn a blind or are ignorant. Often I think it is because we fear that those who live on the streets could hurt us, or, perhaps it is because we fear of their life being something that could happen to us. If we ignore them, they are less likely to have their attention drawn to us for too long and do something that could make us uncomfortable. Then the other fear, fear of what we could become... the idea that if you ignore it, you won't be like that either.
I know we have gone so global that we can help others around the world who are also living in poverty and are suffering in areas of war; the violence, the fear and the pain. I know we should be thinking about the world too and how we can help. However, how are we expected to properly help others on a world scale when we don't even know how to help those suffering in our own countries?
I am not saying that we should all hand out money all the time, or, have to stop and save someone by taking them in. But I see there are many ways to help and I should learn more about those.
Even if I take moments to really look and see what is going on it opens my eyes a little more. If I ask, then I learn!
I have even offered hugs (yes I said a hug) because human contact, I believe, is essential. Seeking out programs and shelters that help people to have food in their bellies, roofs over their heads, get jobs, and get their lives on track is another thing I am going to take efforts to learn about. Everyone deserves that don't they? Food! A place to call home! Feel safe! Work and succeed! Have people who can help! Be surrounded by love and care! Everyone deserves chances to succeed and have a life where they aren't struggling to live day to day and hope they are not going to die that night.
I pray on these things! I count my blessings every day and am grateful for all I have and my loved ones! If I didn't, I know for sure there would be no life. I would just end it. I know for a fact, deep within, I would take this life I have, this gift that was given to me and curse it by ending it if I didn't have what I have. I never take it for granted. Hence, when I can, I give what I am able to, even if it is just of myself, to those who may need it, even just for a moment.
~Ange.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
The chain of events that lead to this moment most likely goes back to January of this year. And as the city I reside in is smothered in a gray haze and smells of strongly of horrible smoke due to massive fires destroying lands far away, I realized that it is a metaphor for how the Big Guy of the Universe has warned me of the dangers around me, in my own life. If I smell smoke, see smoke, there is fire! The signs were there. My life was too close to the fire, but not one that could hurt my body, it was a fire that would kill me; mind, heart, and spirit.
My employer whom I looked up to and adored turned into someone I barely recognized in what could be considered a very short time; six months. Six months ago is when they lit the fire of darkness. This employer is barely happy anymore:
-complaining all the time to anyone who listens to them, over anything that is bothering them.
-gossiping... and yet there is a policy where that is not allowed in the workplace I am at that they, the employer, created.
-argues with their own family members right in front of staff and you can even overhear it frequently though they set a bar on professionalism in the workplace and have seemed to snuff out their own torch on upholding that.
-more frequently tells others of how they should be living their lives, and it seems quite closely related to the way they like to live their own life.
-behave like a martyr, and that the world is against them.
Furthermore, there are some staff members who are on equal par with them on the level of this behavior; and one in particular who we will call, “Oh my goooood,” girl who was the worst (imagine that with a snotty and slightly whining tone)….I swear that’s the only thing she knows how to say. They all sat together, and began to fan the flames of darkness, and it brewed the smoke of negativity.
When the employer and some staff began to behave this way, I thought it perhaps was a passing thing; I sympathized and chalked it up to stress and listened to their woes, and even recommended on ways to help relieve tension and what we could do to solve any issues that arose. Instead of grouping together and getting proactive to fix things, all it became was complaining… then more complaining… the tones of their voices and the words they said were hard to hear as all it became sounds of whining, anger, and disdain. Instead of a group of people adding water to the fire, and one team adding dirt, and another group raking to make mud to smother the flames... they added more paper... more wood... "Oh my goooood," girl even added kerosene.
To hear it every day for weeks while seeing routines, morale and work affected in a negative way, (well, I speak for myself I should say I shouldn’t presume to know how others felt or what they perceived as happening) it felt like an assault on my ears and it felt hard to breathe because the negative atmosphere was like thick smoke. Though I kept to myself and tried to stay away from it. The smoke was now everywhere, the fire would soon try and get me too. I could feel them wanting me to become as they were, and because I wasn’t I felt ostracized. I wanted no part of it. I have seen through observations of others in my lifetime of how I don’t want to behave, or the type of person I don’t want to become; there was never a doubt that I would definitely not go down the path they were on. Furthermore, I was not going to continue to go to work for just benefits from the health package, vacation times and pay cheques. It was not a happy place! I felt no joy! I was carrying the feeling home with me and it affected my personal sphere in a number of ways. When I realized that several weeks later I was developing signs of being burned out, feeling sad, even a little depressed which is a pretty foreign (but not totally unrecognizable) symptom to me … It was time to move on. And! Spend time with my loved ones who have been through so much in the past two years. It was time to take a nice long break and reassess my life... and save my soul.
I initially felt the shock of realizing I had to leave and wondered all those questions:
-Am I doing the right thing?
-What about the people I serve in my career? How can I leave them?
-What if I don’t find another job?
-What if this is all a mistake?
-What if I end up penniless and homeless?
-Can I really visit my old rural homes with my family for a long period of time and keep my apartment in the city while I find myself again?
In a very quick period of time, I know I have made the right decision! And with every day passing getting closer to the last day, the reasons and reality of just how right it is for me is clearer; even right for my loved ones (my family and friends greatly benefit from this change). I don't want to die in a fire that is now roaring. The signs that it is never going to go away is due to the smoke that is now black; covering the sky so no cloud is seen but for a red-coloured sun while the smell is burning the nostrils. I am safe from the fire, and am at the lake wading in the water, getting ready to swim across in due time. Especially when I see that, "Oh my gooooood," girl that left the work I am at is returning; that my employer continues to yell and complain; that staff are still sitting around the fire encouraging it to grow.... though now it is outside the circle of the pit...now and then somebody notices, stomps at it, and then ignores again.
They have ignored the warning signs for too long, and fire, is never as easy to control or contain as humans like to think. Its fire after all. It burns, all it wants, is to burn!
~Ange.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
Sin! Specifically, any sin relating to the Biblical seven, and, because there are seven, I of course fall into at least one of them. I have two of them, gluttony and wrath. I will start with the one that is easier to explain, due to wrath being more centered about my temper and the horrid thoughts floating around in my brain rather than actually acting upon anything that would be considered wrathful.
I am gluttonous with food, of course. Classic, and typical in my family bloodline, even for the smallest of us. I spend lots of money on it. I think about it constantly. I often go past the limit that my body actually requires.
I could be said that because of my genetics and even given my metabolism that it is probably normal for me. Back again to moderation! Everything in moderation as my parents taught me and sadly, this is one of those things I sorely lack control over, and have made no moves to.
Some people in my life could probably defend that I am not a glutton because of my fasts; one person felt that if I could fast that I should be able to control my ravenous appetite better. People are often impressed that other than liquids which are: juice, water, and tea that I do not intake anything else for a week or in other instances, just three days. However, being a glutton and fasting even for the right, just and godliest of reasons, it is hard! I do get a few second winds just when I need them, but the tough parts in between are only bearable. Trust me! I am on my knees a lot, chatting with the Big Guy of the Universe every chance I get in the day and reflecting on my reasons with all my might as to why I was compelled to starve myself for others and my own spiritual guidance.
I can also tell you that my bank account looks bigger, healthier, and I have more focus on hobbies, people and get more stuff done that needs my attention when I am not thinking or so hopped up about food.
I have also been told that because of my size that maybe I require much more food that I think I do. Out of everyone, definitely my cousins and sisters have all voiced I am a, "small," person. I would say I am average myself. Furthermore, just because people can be small sized does not mean it is not healthy to go past one's minimum daily requirements; there are always health issues that could arise, especially as I get older. I cannot see any damage on the outside, but that doesn't mean I could totally be fine on the inside; everyone knows that.
My best friend explained that because i am a vegan (four years so far), active, and always busy, that everything I eat is good for me anyway. Even being vegan, there are still many junk foods that I am prone to that are considered vegan-friendly and I KNOW I shouldn't eat so much of.
I will list an evening I had recently, and I would like to point out that this is NOT including my breakfast, lunch and small snacks I had throughout the day at work before I got home and decided I must have a feast:
Giant bag of kettle cooked chips
Small bag of kettle cooked chips
Whole pack of guacamole
Plate full of rice with sesame seeds, shoyu, smothered in vegan cheese and kale
1lb of carrots
85 grams of fried up tofu
In case you were wondering, yes, it was ALL CONSUMED before I was even starting my rituals of getting ready for bed! There was nothing left.
Therefore, I do believe, a glutton, I am!
~Ange.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
