The day that I saw a hero help someone out happened a few weeks ago but I never got to sit down to share it... better late than ever.
I arrived at the bus depot to purchase my ticket for my journey to see my family, and the room where I was to get it is circular, with old carpet that looks to be from the eighties, and chairs lined up all against the wall. It is large enough that about fifteen people can relax comfortably in there to wait for the bus before it gets congested, so its old, but quite cozy.
As the customer service representative and I have our usual chat (I have come here frequently to catch my ride to my family in the great white north of the province I live in so here and I kind of know each other) a tiny dark haired woman enters the room. Being a people watcher and a pretty good reader of folk with my observation skills I sized up the small lady quickly: she doesn't want to alarm or draw any attention to herself, but chewing her finger nails and her eyes are darting about the floor, especially at the chairs, tells it all... she has lost something valuable and is about to have a panic attack if she doesn't find what she is looking for.
The CSR and I both asked if she was alright and what was she looking for.
With a shaky voice and clasping her hands together she said, "I lost my rings."
The CSR had already turned her attention back to writing up my bill and raises her left hand and sticks out her pinky to the lady for her to see. There on the tiny finger is two rings.
"These rings here, my dear?"
I realized there was a diamond ring and a wedding ring on her pinky. The rings looked old, but beautiful. Like something that got older the older they got. Elegant.
The dark haired woman got on her knees like a child at prayer and held the CSR's hand between her two palms and wept.
When her head came up she smiled and said, "I thought to myself: thirty-seven years of being happily married and then I lose the rings...," her voice tremors a bit, "I would have broke his heart."
We all could feel what she felt. Her relief and joy.
After the rings returned to their rightful place on her hand, she held it up and gave a quiet laugh and said, "Oh my, I just can't stop shaking."
The CSR started to explain how a small girl found them, and I decided to give everyone a moment to talk and have some space so I headed outside to wait for the bus, passing a tall skinny man who was standing and smoking cigarettes with a very short person wearing a dark ball cap with small tuffs of hair sticking out from underneath, and they also wore sweat pants and a dark shirt. I actually at a glance thought it was a small, young man.
Suddenly the CSR appeared outside as well and says to the tiny person in the sweat pants and ball cap, "My dear girl come, the rings you returned found their way back to the lady they belonged to and she wishes to thank you.
This was the girl who turned in the rings, the little hero of the day.
The girl blushed and snuffed out the cigarette saying, "That's not necessary, she doesn't have to..." but before she could finish the sentence the CSR reinforced that she go talk to the lady.
Several minutes the little hero returned and it was then I noticed her feet. She was wearing shiny metallic gray shoes with thin-stringed bows on them. This was a complete contrast to the rest of her ensemble.
For the rest of my life I am sure when I consider all the little unsung heroes of the day I will always think of her first.
So if any of you out there ever see a small tomboyish girl in a black cap, sweat pants, and shiny shoes with bows on them, that may be her. And maybe she will save the day again.
~Ange
Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made To Her Thirties.
Saturday, 19 September 2015
Saturday, 29 August 2015
Turn It Off & Put It Down - August 29, 2015
This is a topic I am sure many of us out there has dwelled upon and discussed amongst ourselves, as I too have witnessed some debates on the matter, well, even arguments. The matter is about the frequency of cell phones in use. For me, I have very personal feelings on this topic. As some of you may have already deduced from previous blogs I have this feeling of hatred toward my own cell phone.
I will not be explaining my anger toward others on cell phones when they are in motion: meaning when people are using them while on foot, biking, or driving... or any other way I may have missed mentioning where accidents were caused, injuries or even deaths. If I had a discussion on the topic of the dangers of cellular devices it would require a whole other blog, and it's just too heartbreaking and makes me want to cry when I think on it. Instead, I am merely discussing my anger I have towards cell phones with respect to them being used in the presence of other people in social gatherings. You know... people using their phones when they are supposed to be spending quality time together. To start off, I would like to share my resentment toward my cell.
I didn't always dislike my cell phone as much as I do now. But in recent years the emotion of hate toward it certainly has grew. Did I mention I have a list (I like making lists) of reason why I hate mine in particular? I have a list:
-A heavy a reliance on it due to the pressures and expectations from others in my life to pay attention and respond to anything they send to me through the cell immediately. And most often these are people who are constantly on their cell phones (big surprise).
-In relation to the first reason where people are getting angry or stressed by a non-immediate response, it's funny how I could write something I require immediate attention to and could even write, "URGENT!" in my messages but I don't get an answer for a long time; even too late in some cases. Thus, that too makes me hate the beastly gadget (yes I am aware that by now I should be angry at the people and not the cell but alas I hate it anyway and blame it still, and at least I am honest about it).
-I hate the noises it makes. Any noise it makes, including vibrations and the messages I can sense coming through even though I have it on silent modes. I have disturbed a few pals on my ability to be able to sense things coming through on the cell when it is quiet.
-The days I want everyone to leave me alone is when the phone gets the busiest. And if it is urgent then I have to keep it on, especially with the number of emergencies and crises I have been dealing with in my life I of course keep it on and ensure that everything is resolved and everyone is okay. But, it feels like a flood hitting me when this happens and I am held down and can't get a up; a metaphor that my life keeps getting stalled by one emergency after another and can't move forward.
However, when the world does not need saving and I am certain I can get away with it I save my own senses instead and turn the phone off. It gives me rest, and a much peaceful end to my day without any technological distractions. For instance, the usual things happen like all those lovely walks, books to read, things to write about, sitting down and doing art hobbies, or even clean... and all without distractions from anyone else. It's nice, like how living was when I was younger and there was no cell phone and I didn't have to check it constantly, and just live.
My idea of living is drinking in the moments of life with other people in it (yes even to this lone wolf). That's where I am going into with how people are annoying me by being more focused on their phones than what is going on right in front of them. I get angry about it, even sad.
Sadly, in almost every outing with a group of people I am with there is someone (even more than one person in the group doing it) who focuses on their cell phone instead of listening to other people who are speaking. Sometimes it is even throughout the whole social outing.
We could debate on the issue of emergencies or bad things going on in peoples' lives that requires them to keep it on and keep checking to make sure everything is alright, but honestly, my take is this, do what I do, and maybe stay at home. Perhaps that notion doesn't work for everyone and they still want to have a social life while needing to be on the phone all the time in case something bad happens, however, is that really having a social life? Maybe I am wrong. When I stay at home because I know I need to take all those phone calls and messages because there is a crisis to deal with it is easier for me to deal with it there. Even though I am missing out on the social outing I am missing out on it at home, and not in front of other people while I am consistently staring at my phone or taking calls or messages in the middle of the gathering. I feel like if I cannot be immersed in the social gatherings of the people I love and care about then people will either be offended or deeply concerned if I am on the phone the whole time because things are not going well in my life. I either need to be alone, or, when it's not to be a fun time together and a private time to vent then my trusted buddies and I go do that. There are more appropriate locations that are more reserved and quiet for such times to me. And from what I have experienced most people leave a social gathering or don't show up when things are urgent in their lives.
When you know it is not an emergency and people are still starting at the phone rather than being involved in the people who are talking, I have a problem with that. That makes me feel like that whoever is speaking in that moment is not being heard, their feelings are being ignored, their stories do no compute with the cellular user at present. Worse, that means they are disrespectful, and they don't think others are important when they are on that cell phone and not putting it down, or turning it off when someone is speaking to them. It also makes me think there is some sort of self-centeredness going on, what I mean is, it comes across that unless the attention is on them then they are finding it elsewhere. Well, that's my thought, I could be wrong. Or, another way to word it... the attention from the phone seems so self-important that it takes precedence over others they could be visiting with at present. Am I wrong? Maybe, but that's what makes me think on the matter.
Recently a coworker asked me question when this topic came up and it got slightly heated amongst a few people: what do you do then, just turn it off? And my answer was, YES! Everyone, I do turn it off.
When I am socializing with other people, I turn it off. I do follow my own rules with myself.
Why? How can I just put it away like that? Well, because if I am constantly focused on the phone or worried about the next emergency or crisis, I miss out on what's most important, and what is most important is people.
This lonewolf still loves people, and is still curious about the world around her, and everyone's stories. I love listening to other people and listening about their lives; I not only love and care about them I love what everyone has to teach me. I am fascinated by the person or people in front of me and I hope that they feel like I am fully into them and their lives and hanging on their every word, even feeling what they are feeing; whether it is sadness or anger, or happy and excited for the things that are happening in their lives... I want to be there for them and never let them doubt that I am. It's called love, being supportive, respectful and living in the moments with them. Or, as the old saying goes, drinking in those precious moments of life with them.
~Ange
Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made To Her Thirties.
I will not be explaining my anger toward others on cell phones when they are in motion: meaning when people are using them while on foot, biking, or driving... or any other way I may have missed mentioning where accidents were caused, injuries or even deaths. If I had a discussion on the topic of the dangers of cellular devices it would require a whole other blog, and it's just too heartbreaking and makes me want to cry when I think on it. Instead, I am merely discussing my anger I have towards cell phones with respect to them being used in the presence of other people in social gatherings. You know... people using their phones when they are supposed to be spending quality time together. To start off, I would like to share my resentment toward my cell.
I didn't always dislike my cell phone as much as I do now. But in recent years the emotion of hate toward it certainly has grew. Did I mention I have a list (I like making lists) of reason why I hate mine in particular? I have a list:
-A heavy a reliance on it due to the pressures and expectations from others in my life to pay attention and respond to anything they send to me through the cell immediately. And most often these are people who are constantly on their cell phones (big surprise).
-In relation to the first reason where people are getting angry or stressed by a non-immediate response, it's funny how I could write something I require immediate attention to and could even write, "URGENT!" in my messages but I don't get an answer for a long time; even too late in some cases. Thus, that too makes me hate the beastly gadget (yes I am aware that by now I should be angry at the people and not the cell but alas I hate it anyway and blame it still, and at least I am honest about it).
-I hate the noises it makes. Any noise it makes, including vibrations and the messages I can sense coming through even though I have it on silent modes. I have disturbed a few pals on my ability to be able to sense things coming through on the cell when it is quiet.
-The days I want everyone to leave me alone is when the phone gets the busiest. And if it is urgent then I have to keep it on, especially with the number of emergencies and crises I have been dealing with in my life I of course keep it on and ensure that everything is resolved and everyone is okay. But, it feels like a flood hitting me when this happens and I am held down and can't get a up; a metaphor that my life keeps getting stalled by one emergency after another and can't move forward.
However, when the world does not need saving and I am certain I can get away with it I save my own senses instead and turn the phone off. It gives me rest, and a much peaceful end to my day without any technological distractions. For instance, the usual things happen like all those lovely walks, books to read, things to write about, sitting down and doing art hobbies, or even clean... and all without distractions from anyone else. It's nice, like how living was when I was younger and there was no cell phone and I didn't have to check it constantly, and just live.
My idea of living is drinking in the moments of life with other people in it (yes even to this lone wolf). That's where I am going into with how people are annoying me by being more focused on their phones than what is going on right in front of them. I get angry about it, even sad.
Sadly, in almost every outing with a group of people I am with there is someone (even more than one person in the group doing it) who focuses on their cell phone instead of listening to other people who are speaking. Sometimes it is even throughout the whole social outing.
We could debate on the issue of emergencies or bad things going on in peoples' lives that requires them to keep it on and keep checking to make sure everything is alright, but honestly, my take is this, do what I do, and maybe stay at home. Perhaps that notion doesn't work for everyone and they still want to have a social life while needing to be on the phone all the time in case something bad happens, however, is that really having a social life? Maybe I am wrong. When I stay at home because I know I need to take all those phone calls and messages because there is a crisis to deal with it is easier for me to deal with it there. Even though I am missing out on the social outing I am missing out on it at home, and not in front of other people while I am consistently staring at my phone or taking calls or messages in the middle of the gathering. I feel like if I cannot be immersed in the social gatherings of the people I love and care about then people will either be offended or deeply concerned if I am on the phone the whole time because things are not going well in my life. I either need to be alone, or, when it's not to be a fun time together and a private time to vent then my trusted buddies and I go do that. There are more appropriate locations that are more reserved and quiet for such times to me. And from what I have experienced most people leave a social gathering or don't show up when things are urgent in their lives.
When you know it is not an emergency and people are still starting at the phone rather than being involved in the people who are talking, I have a problem with that. That makes me feel like that whoever is speaking in that moment is not being heard, their feelings are being ignored, their stories do no compute with the cellular user at present. Worse, that means they are disrespectful, and they don't think others are important when they are on that cell phone and not putting it down, or turning it off when someone is speaking to them. It also makes me think there is some sort of self-centeredness going on, what I mean is, it comes across that unless the attention is on them then they are finding it elsewhere. Well, that's my thought, I could be wrong. Or, another way to word it... the attention from the phone seems so self-important that it takes precedence over others they could be visiting with at present. Am I wrong? Maybe, but that's what makes me think on the matter.
Recently a coworker asked me question when this topic came up and it got slightly heated amongst a few people: what do you do then, just turn it off? And my answer was, YES! Everyone, I do turn it off.
When I am socializing with other people, I turn it off. I do follow my own rules with myself.
Why? How can I just put it away like that? Well, because if I am constantly focused on the phone or worried about the next emergency or crisis, I miss out on what's most important, and what is most important is people.
This lonewolf still loves people, and is still curious about the world around her, and everyone's stories. I love listening to other people and listening about their lives; I not only love and care about them I love what everyone has to teach me. I am fascinated by the person or people in front of me and I hope that they feel like I am fully into them and their lives and hanging on their every word, even feeling what they are feeing; whether it is sadness or anger, or happy and excited for the things that are happening in their lives... I want to be there for them and never let them doubt that I am. It's called love, being supportive, respectful and living in the moments with them. Or, as the old saying goes, drinking in those precious moments of life with them.
~Ange
Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made To Her Thirties.
Saturday, 22 August 2015
When You Care So Much That You Don't Care - August 22, 2015
There are those of us out there who care so much that we learn what's important to care about, and where not to care for the sake of ourselves and those we love around us. I went through a list in my head recently as I like writing, I like lists, and I find it helps keeps things in order and altogether for me.
I care about gossiping:
...especially about others and when it is hurting others, making them uncomfortable, and worse when the gossipers are lying. When it comes to myself, I don't give a s*^t, because as far as I am concerned if you have a genuine problem with me and want it resolved, or, are up to the task of asking questions rather than speculating, you will come to me and hash it out. If you cannot do that, then the problem is yours, and not mine, and I do not care. Also it tells me you are a coward and do not the have any guts or bravery to approach your issues with me.
This next one kind of relates to gossips...
My life is my life, your life is your life:
We are not living each other's lives, we each have our own lives, and as far as I am concerned it takes a lot of time and energy to make my machine called MY LIFE run the way it does. And guess what, it works really well, the system is just fine: I pay bills fully and on time, I work, I have a routine, and there is even time between crises to spend quality time with loved ones and enjoy those nerdy boring hobbies of mine called reading, writing, working out, playing video games, watch rentals, and adventure to new (or even old) places I love so much. Not bad I'd say. If that's a problem for others, well, it's not their life and I could say a lot about how others live their lives and how it is clearly not working for them because of the self-made issues it has created for them. So I am not very good or listening or caring when people critique my life, just not. It's hard enough to take care of our own lives rather than fussing over each other's, so... let's not let each other's lives be dwelled upon and gossiped about so heavily unless their is issues that wrongfully trickles and interferes into one another's lives, because then, yes, there is a problem... especially if poor decision making and looking for other's to resolve your life when you have made such foreseeable catastrophic decision making (can't get over how often that happens in the world) is interfering in someone else's well oiled and very balanced life... like my own. That's wrong, and it is not okay in my books. And I tend to care less and less for yours as a result with such interference. I wonder if other people feel this way as I do? Some examples are addictions of various kinds, poor planning and financial decision making, and using other people for own personal gain only to backfire (rightfully so) and then try other people to sympathize or fix their situation.
I care more if there is a catastrophe or crisis that was taken out of someone's hands.. like a sudden firing or lay off, or natural disasters, or accidents, health issues, people in such pain that they don't know how to help themselves because they are so stressed or emotionally distraught. I care more about those situations.
Frankly this was something I really just felt needed to get off my chest and it feels good to have done it... MOVING ON!
~Ange
Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made To Her Thirties.
I care about gossiping:
...especially about others and when it is hurting others, making them uncomfortable, and worse when the gossipers are lying. When it comes to myself, I don't give a s*^t, because as far as I am concerned if you have a genuine problem with me and want it resolved, or, are up to the task of asking questions rather than speculating, you will come to me and hash it out. If you cannot do that, then the problem is yours, and not mine, and I do not care. Also it tells me you are a coward and do not the have any guts or bravery to approach your issues with me.
This next one kind of relates to gossips...
My life is my life, your life is your life:
We are not living each other's lives, we each have our own lives, and as far as I am concerned it takes a lot of time and energy to make my machine called MY LIFE run the way it does. And guess what, it works really well, the system is just fine: I pay bills fully and on time, I work, I have a routine, and there is even time between crises to spend quality time with loved ones and enjoy those nerdy boring hobbies of mine called reading, writing, working out, playing video games, watch rentals, and adventure to new (or even old) places I love so much. Not bad I'd say. If that's a problem for others, well, it's not their life and I could say a lot about how others live their lives and how it is clearly not working for them because of the self-made issues it has created for them. So I am not very good or listening or caring when people critique my life, just not. It's hard enough to take care of our own lives rather than fussing over each other's, so... let's not let each other's lives be dwelled upon and gossiped about so heavily unless their is issues that wrongfully trickles and interferes into one another's lives, because then, yes, there is a problem... especially if poor decision making and looking for other's to resolve your life when you have made such foreseeable catastrophic decision making (can't get over how often that happens in the world) is interfering in someone else's well oiled and very balanced life... like my own. That's wrong, and it is not okay in my books. And I tend to care less and less for yours as a result with such interference. I wonder if other people feel this way as I do? Some examples are addictions of various kinds, poor planning and financial decision making, and using other people for own personal gain only to backfire (rightfully so) and then try other people to sympathize or fix their situation.
I care more if there is a catastrophe or crisis that was taken out of someone's hands.. like a sudden firing or lay off, or natural disasters, or accidents, health issues, people in such pain that they don't know how to help themselves because they are so stressed or emotionally distraught. I care more about those situations.
Frankly this was something I really just felt needed to get off my chest and it feels good to have done it... MOVING ON!
~Ange
Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made To Her Thirties.
The Unknown - August 22, 2015
This has been an interesting month so far, and it is not over yet...
Many things have occurred, with some I can share here, and others I cannot due to confidentiality of others whom I wish to keep their privacy safe. But, as always, I can discuss the ones pertaining to me of course which lead to my topic in the title.
With my Mom's passing, people making trouble for themselves and trying to get I or others to fix it, dramatics, and being sick (which I rarely do and I hate it because it is a complete waste of my time), there is no wonder at times I feel sad, depressed, down and out, confused, and trying to find a game plan to change that; because I am worried about losing my natural happy-go-lucky self all together and thus lose myself forever. These self reflections have made me realize where I am strong, where some things will take time to get to, and what needs to change immediately for the sake of my mind, feelings, body, and soul. Health is a big one, my stress levels, and therefore my soul.. my spirit.
I come from a family of folk where on the maternal side there are a number of people who require those medications to help with maintaining their emotional equilibrium; it helps a lot but of course they wish their bodies and minds would not be so tough on them... that LIFE wasn't so tough on them so they wouldn't need it despite they are very grateful for it. As for me, I know I have been through hell in back and perhaps it is my belief in the big guy in the sky, something different about my genes, or even the crises I have faced, but I have always known I need time to feel the emotions ~no matter what they are~ and then move on from it. Learn what to do next time and what works for me and help me pull through it; even if it is just extra sleep, playing video games, extra exercise, adding or taking away from my food intake, or being with loved ones. I just know that substances of any kind in the alcohol and drug departments are never going to work for me. I know that more and more as I get older. It would probably feel too numbing, and I wouldn't learn anything from it. That's my take on it.
Also, my imagination has always worked wonders for me. I have a dark side, and though it rarely comes out (thank goodness for the world) the upside is when you play out some things in your head of what you would want to say or do to people who annoy you or make you angry (especially when they are so immoral) it can feel liberating. You'd never actually do it, but imagining it helps, and I am sure I am not the only person who does it. For instance, when I am full on stressed and angry about something I go for a run, and you sometimes come across some jerks who say something rude to you ~even to other people that can bug me too~ lipping them off back that scares them into shutting up always makes me feel a lot better, even though on top of that I fantasize after of having inflicted some sort of physical pain on them. I would never did it, and the only time that would ever happen is when I would feel myself or others are in danger. But I feel better after. Stress free.
I know these days there many things that are continually blocking me, especially more crises that require my attention but, I can change that, and I know how to. As you get older and the fear lessens and you go through the hell that I and my loved ones have been you know what to do and how to do it, but sometimes the fear is still there. Fear of change, the unknown, the unfamiliar. However, I did notice what has erupted from that... a sense of adventure, excitement, the potential in myself, the potential for an even better, amazing life. Taking a chance rather than regretting never have tried. Looking at the definite positives rather than the worry of what could go wrong, or how I could fail. And rather than looking at how I could fall from glory, fail, lose so much look at my potential, the good in me, what I have to offer and where I could go from here... I realized in not having that viewpoint I am being unfair to myself, too hard on myself, and very unkind to myself.
It is time to try and face the unknown.
~Ange
Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made To Her Thirties.
Many things have occurred, with some I can share here, and others I cannot due to confidentiality of others whom I wish to keep their privacy safe. But, as always, I can discuss the ones pertaining to me of course which lead to my topic in the title.
With my Mom's passing, people making trouble for themselves and trying to get I or others to fix it, dramatics, and being sick (which I rarely do and I hate it because it is a complete waste of my time), there is no wonder at times I feel sad, depressed, down and out, confused, and trying to find a game plan to change that; because I am worried about losing my natural happy-go-lucky self all together and thus lose myself forever. These self reflections have made me realize where I am strong, where some things will take time to get to, and what needs to change immediately for the sake of my mind, feelings, body, and soul. Health is a big one, my stress levels, and therefore my soul.. my spirit.
I come from a family of folk where on the maternal side there are a number of people who require those medications to help with maintaining their emotional equilibrium; it helps a lot but of course they wish their bodies and minds would not be so tough on them... that LIFE wasn't so tough on them so they wouldn't need it despite they are very grateful for it. As for me, I know I have been through hell in back and perhaps it is my belief in the big guy in the sky, something different about my genes, or even the crises I have faced, but I have always known I need time to feel the emotions ~no matter what they are~ and then move on from it. Learn what to do next time and what works for me and help me pull through it; even if it is just extra sleep, playing video games, extra exercise, adding or taking away from my food intake, or being with loved ones. I just know that substances of any kind in the alcohol and drug departments are never going to work for me. I know that more and more as I get older. It would probably feel too numbing, and I wouldn't learn anything from it. That's my take on it.
Also, my imagination has always worked wonders for me. I have a dark side, and though it rarely comes out (thank goodness for the world) the upside is when you play out some things in your head of what you would want to say or do to people who annoy you or make you angry (especially when they are so immoral) it can feel liberating. You'd never actually do it, but imagining it helps, and I am sure I am not the only person who does it. For instance, when I am full on stressed and angry about something I go for a run, and you sometimes come across some jerks who say something rude to you ~even to other people that can bug me too~ lipping them off back that scares them into shutting up always makes me feel a lot better, even though on top of that I fantasize after of having inflicted some sort of physical pain on them. I would never did it, and the only time that would ever happen is when I would feel myself or others are in danger. But I feel better after. Stress free.
I know these days there many things that are continually blocking me, especially more crises that require my attention but, I can change that, and I know how to. As you get older and the fear lessens and you go through the hell that I and my loved ones have been you know what to do and how to do it, but sometimes the fear is still there. Fear of change, the unknown, the unfamiliar. However, I did notice what has erupted from that... a sense of adventure, excitement, the potential in myself, the potential for an even better, amazing life. Taking a chance rather than regretting never have tried. Looking at the definite positives rather than the worry of what could go wrong, or how I could fail. And rather than looking at how I could fall from glory, fail, lose so much look at my potential, the good in me, what I have to offer and where I could go from here... I realized in not having that viewpoint I am being unfair to myself, too hard on myself, and very unkind to myself.
It is time to try and face the unknown.
~Ange
Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made To Her Thirties.
Thursday, 6 August 2015
As a Pedestrian - August 6, 2015
There are certain rules I have set for myself to follow as a pedestrian that are important to me. I often remind myself of them especially on the weekends, as that is when I am out and about the most. All of us are different, having our own certain rules and respects to the roads and even sidewalks, however, that doesn't mean we all can't have some rules and respects to one another to ensure some sort of trust in valuing in each other's lives or welfare... right?
I have chosen my pedestrian rules as oppose to my rules for being a biker, driver, or even a transit user as I am most often on my feet to get somewhere anyway and therefore am reminding myself of my rules more frequently as a pedestrian.
-enjoy my music while also keeping attention to others, even drivers.
-keeping a watchful eye in front and over my shoulders
-cell phone is for when I am safely in a shop, on a bench, or in a safe spot on the sidewalks or paths
-be courteous and walk around others
I may enjoy my music and appear to live with my headphones on all the time, however, I am aware of how music makes me daydream easily and distract me from paying attention to the signal lights on the city streets, pedestrian walks or shared pathways with bikers, runners and other folks. Therefore, daydreaming is for the buses and trains, and if I wish to continue feeling carefree to listen to music I must also pay attention to other humans, and that rule includes my phone too. I save the phone for when I have safely crossed the path or road I have taken and am off to side out of everyone else's way, or in a shop, or even sitting down on a bench. If I am not paying attention I could get injured by drivers and others who are not (prevention), or I may cause an incident.
Keeping an eye on the roads and sidewalks or other pathways both at the front of me and over my shoulder. This is important to me in areas with high volumes of other folk who could also be running or even biking. I often stick to the sides to make it easier for others who are faster than me to pass by. I I like to keep watching out for others to politely walk around, or make it easier for bikers to pass. I am even looking back and forth on the roads constantly for vehicles even when the pedestrian sign is flashing as that also means other drivers often are allowed to go too and they may have to turn in my direction, and though they do have to wait for us walkers I still keep an eye on them. I like to think of it as my version of defensive walking. Even though pedestrians have the right of way, not all drivers are paying attention as they should and it could mean the difference between my soft watery body keeping safe and their ton-sized vehicles getting too close. I watch, and make sure I am still not about to get hit, and gesture (no not the way you are thinking) if they are out of line for trying to either make me nervous to walk faster by drawing closer, or honking or anything like that. I ensure I report incidences as required. Someone almost hit me once for not looking both ways, and their look of fear and guilt was enough for me to lead me to think they thought twice about looking both ways, however, the other pedestrians did not think so and three of them reported what they saw. Lesson learned I hope.
As for cellular devices well... I have probably seen just as many pedestrians as drivers absorbed in their cell phones when they should be paying attention to their surroundings. I reserve cellular use for the time I said above. It's just safer really.
As for walking around others.. well that's obvious. Especially if it is anyone older than I, people with children, people carrying lots of things (heavy load of groceries) and I can maneuver easily around. Otherwise if my arms are full and I am slow moving, or paths and stairs in public places are narrow and I was kind of there first to one side, I am going to have to expect others to do the same for me (walk around me) in those instances. Or I hope they do.
~Ange
Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made To Her Thirties.
I have chosen my pedestrian rules as oppose to my rules for being a biker, driver, or even a transit user as I am most often on my feet to get somewhere anyway and therefore am reminding myself of my rules more frequently as a pedestrian.
-enjoy my music while also keeping attention to others, even drivers.
-keeping a watchful eye in front and over my shoulders
-cell phone is for when I am safely in a shop, on a bench, or in a safe spot on the sidewalks or paths
-be courteous and walk around others
I may enjoy my music and appear to live with my headphones on all the time, however, I am aware of how music makes me daydream easily and distract me from paying attention to the signal lights on the city streets, pedestrian walks or shared pathways with bikers, runners and other folks. Therefore, daydreaming is for the buses and trains, and if I wish to continue feeling carefree to listen to music I must also pay attention to other humans, and that rule includes my phone too. I save the phone for when I have safely crossed the path or road I have taken and am off to side out of everyone else's way, or in a shop, or even sitting down on a bench. If I am not paying attention I could get injured by drivers and others who are not (prevention), or I may cause an incident.
Keeping an eye on the roads and sidewalks or other pathways both at the front of me and over my shoulder. This is important to me in areas with high volumes of other folk who could also be running or even biking. I often stick to the sides to make it easier for others who are faster than me to pass by. I I like to keep watching out for others to politely walk around, or make it easier for bikers to pass. I am even looking back and forth on the roads constantly for vehicles even when the pedestrian sign is flashing as that also means other drivers often are allowed to go too and they may have to turn in my direction, and though they do have to wait for us walkers I still keep an eye on them. I like to think of it as my version of defensive walking. Even though pedestrians have the right of way, not all drivers are paying attention as they should and it could mean the difference between my soft watery body keeping safe and their ton-sized vehicles getting too close. I watch, and make sure I am still not about to get hit, and gesture (no not the way you are thinking) if they are out of line for trying to either make me nervous to walk faster by drawing closer, or honking or anything like that. I ensure I report incidences as required. Someone almost hit me once for not looking both ways, and their look of fear and guilt was enough for me to lead me to think they thought twice about looking both ways, however, the other pedestrians did not think so and three of them reported what they saw. Lesson learned I hope.
As for cellular devices well... I have probably seen just as many pedestrians as drivers absorbed in their cell phones when they should be paying attention to their surroundings. I reserve cellular use for the time I said above. It's just safer really.
As for walking around others.. well that's obvious. Especially if it is anyone older than I, people with children, people carrying lots of things (heavy load of groceries) and I can maneuver easily around. Otherwise if my arms are full and I am slow moving, or paths and stairs in public places are narrow and I was kind of there first to one side, I am going to have to expect others to do the same for me (walk around me) in those instances. Or I hope they do.
~Ange
Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made To Her Thirties.
Wednesday, 29 July 2015
Vacation Reflection - July 29, 2015
For a few days I had no cell phone on, and I took it apart for extra peace and quiet.
Then I was way out in the middle of nowhere at my grandparents' farm, where I could sleep, eat, and work hard with them. Mostly Grandma and I found ourselves resting, chatting and catching up and napping in between. Then we would find the energy to do some work, then go back to resting. It's exactly what I needed, and I think she did too.
Both of us are hard working women, and sometimes having others, and in our case each other, to validate that we are okay to relax and rest and ignore the world's expectation of us for a couple of days.
In that time, I had much to reflect on already, and I am not even halfway through my break. Nothing I thought of triggered stress nor caused me anxiety, but I was glad to sift the entire mess in my head and figure some things out that weighed on me. Now it doesn't weigh, and what I choose next in life I pray is for my betterment and others; even those who may rage against my change because they lose out of their own personal gains, but I want my life back, I know what feels right to me and what I need to do:
In my old age I have come to get better at being eloquent in my diplomatic way of telling loved ones and friends some hard truths, rather than just being assertive and holding my ground politely. Verbal aggression and making people sting are only required when they need a real reality check, but that comes after the first round or two of people just not listening to me or others and thinking they can bully themselves into getting what they want. So I remind myself of this: I can do it, and tactfully unless otherwise. Then the time comes, which is very soon, I have to do just that, and I believe I can do it well. My biggest critic which is myself is having less of a say these days and I am trusting myself more that I can do right without the constant pessimism of things possibly going bad every time I have to do something like this.
That I deserve to try to love another again, take on my hobbies and side projects without so much interruption of fixing others problems that are so easy to work on and remedy, even if they believe they don't have to put in any work for themselves, or, they think any work is too hard.
In the next year I will take travels overseas on my breaks. Learn about the world more, be in awe and be taught by others of what life is like for them.
Appreciating the fact that I know how to rest and relax and take time away from the hectic atmospheres in certain parts of my life. That I still know how to take a vacation.
I am pretty good at fighting the monsters of this world.
I will finish writing my book. Finish my poetry collections for print. Complete my series of short stories. Be a better writer.... THIS ONE IS THE BIG FOR ME!!! :)
~Ange.
Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made To Her Thirties.
Then I was way out in the middle of nowhere at my grandparents' farm, where I could sleep, eat, and work hard with them. Mostly Grandma and I found ourselves resting, chatting and catching up and napping in between. Then we would find the energy to do some work, then go back to resting. It's exactly what I needed, and I think she did too.
Both of us are hard working women, and sometimes having others, and in our case each other, to validate that we are okay to relax and rest and ignore the world's expectation of us for a couple of days.
In that time, I had much to reflect on already, and I am not even halfway through my break. Nothing I thought of triggered stress nor caused me anxiety, but I was glad to sift the entire mess in my head and figure some things out that weighed on me. Now it doesn't weigh, and what I choose next in life I pray is for my betterment and others; even those who may rage against my change because they lose out of their own personal gains, but I want my life back, I know what feels right to me and what I need to do:
In my old age I have come to get better at being eloquent in my diplomatic way of telling loved ones and friends some hard truths, rather than just being assertive and holding my ground politely. Verbal aggression and making people sting are only required when they need a real reality check, but that comes after the first round or two of people just not listening to me or others and thinking they can bully themselves into getting what they want. So I remind myself of this: I can do it, and tactfully unless otherwise. Then the time comes, which is very soon, I have to do just that, and I believe I can do it well. My biggest critic which is myself is having less of a say these days and I am trusting myself more that I can do right without the constant pessimism of things possibly going bad every time I have to do something like this.
That I deserve to try to love another again, take on my hobbies and side projects without so much interruption of fixing others problems that are so easy to work on and remedy, even if they believe they don't have to put in any work for themselves, or, they think any work is too hard.
In the next year I will take travels overseas on my breaks. Learn about the world more, be in awe and be taught by others of what life is like for them.
Appreciating the fact that I know how to rest and relax and take time away from the hectic atmospheres in certain parts of my life. That I still know how to take a vacation.
I am pretty good at fighting the monsters of this world.
I will finish writing my book. Finish my poetry collections for print. Complete my series of short stories. Be a better writer.... THIS ONE IS THE BIG FOR ME!!! :)
~Ange.
Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made To Her Thirties.
Monday, 27 July 2015
My Favourite Thing, Turning the Phone Off - July 27, 2015
Vacation is here. Along with my time off comes one of my nasty habits I just relish getting into on long breaks... Turning my cell off. Isn't it awful? The old lonewolf turning off her cell phone for so many days? No texts to read, no phone calls to take, and no voice mails to hear.
If I want to check any online messages I have access to internet pretty easily. That includes my blogs here as well. However, my cell is the real thorn in my side technology and internet-wise and not through computers; where I don't receive voice mails, texts or phone calls. Everyone I know seems to be constantly calling, texting, even leaving more voice mails. I have never adjusted to this, usually my phone has been silent. For many weeks, NO, months now, it feels like it is burning out; well, I can't speak for my phone I guess, but I am burnt out from the amount of high usage I have with it. Thank God for my cell plan to save me money, or I would be extra annoyed with the amount of money I would be required to cover my bill.
Besides my need to keep the phone off, but even taken apart (yes, taken apart, you read that right folks), but I believe it will also do the following three things:
-Teach others to survive on their own and get going on their own lives. Particularly full grown humans who know better and know exactly what they need to do.
-Less stress for me and will feel less annoyed or feel like people are trying to obligate me to fix their lives for them
-Because I believe I need to be cut off every now and then and have more peace and quiet, something I have had to fight and win all my life, and one day won't have to anymore I pray. So moments like turning off a cell, a device where everyone can reach me anytime, and all the time needs to be shut down, torn apart so no one can do so and I don't have to give it a second though.
There many people including my surviving parent who have made decisions without solid plans, nor any well placed steps to follow nor back up plans. It has become a situation in their lives where all these people didn't plan anything, they were too busy living in the moment without thoughts to the consequences or as to what could happen if they don't plan accordingly or if things go wrong. Then what happens when things don't go right they don't want to take responsibility for their actions and have to fix it themselves either they try to get me to or worse, mooch and lean on me and then keep making the same mistakes because they haven't learned their lesson. Like my ex, I am a convenience in their eyes. However, I am a realist, I ask them questions and force them to self-reflect or I draw a line in the sand and prompt them they need to fix themselves and to take care of themselves. But despite that, they still think by trying or pressuring it will make things change and they will get their way and won't have to work for their lives, make sacrifices and make the hard decisions for they continue to try and find people, anyone else, to fix their lives for them, achieve their goals and successes. People like me.
What none of them realize is the sacrifices I have made in life, the hard (but right and just and what I feel is highly moral) decisions that got me to where I am today is why I am successful. The journey. The unbeaten path. Through it I learned to be stronger, realistic, have a plan, be highly organized, and foresee what needs to be done more clearly all the time. And as I age, and become more knowledgeable, what I want to do, learn next and become better than I already am. It's hard enough to do all that with one's self and try and look out for others without doing everything for them; getting them to pick up themselves and learn and move on.... something that I see is becoming less likely to happen.
But I am not God, I am not Superman, I can't be everywhere at once taking care of everyone at once, and coddling and solving everything for everyone. I have my own journey that everyone keeps interrupting because they are trying to step on my mine to get to what they want, or where they want to go in life. Especially when I see how easily they could do it, even directing them verbally. Yet every time I lend support through my ears and words and support through instruction (not bad plans even if they thought about it) all I see is the expressions on their face of it being too hard, that I won't do the work for them; they all want instant success and not have to do a damn thing to obtain what they want in life. Well, I have don this, time for others to do the same. It sounds harsh, cold, even unloving. But I believe that it actually is probably the most loving thing I can do for them, and it helps to give a real reality check.
I have worked hard, I deserve to start living more and continue on where I left off four years ago when I left my long term relationship. While he and everyone else is still figuring things out and looking for everyone else to blame for their mistakes in life or lean on everyone else for their happiness I walk away from the dramatic chaos and troubling feelings of being used, and gonna continue on the next phase of the unbeaten path, and start to climb some big hills. Otherwise how will I ever conquer the mountains I see in the distance?
~Ange
Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made To Her Thirties.
What none of them realize is the sacrifices I have made in life, the hard (but right and just and what I feel is highly moral) decisions that got me to where I am today is why I am successful. The journey. The unbeaten path. Through it I learned to be stronger, realistic, have a plan, be highly organized, and foresee what needs to be done more clearly all the time. And as I age, and become more knowledgeable, what I want to do, learn next and become better than I already am. It's hard enough to do all that with one's self and try and look out for others without doing everything for them; getting them to pick up themselves and learn and move on.... something that I see is becoming less likely to happen.
But I am not God, I am not Superman, I can't be everywhere at once taking care of everyone at once, and coddling and solving everything for everyone. I have my own journey that everyone keeps interrupting because they are trying to step on my mine to get to what they want, or where they want to go in life. Especially when I see how easily they could do it, even directing them verbally. Yet every time I lend support through my ears and words and support through instruction (not bad plans even if they thought about it) all I see is the expressions on their face of it being too hard, that I won't do the work for them; they all want instant success and not have to do a damn thing to obtain what they want in life. Well, I have don this, time for others to do the same. It sounds harsh, cold, even unloving. But I believe that it actually is probably the most loving thing I can do for them, and it helps to give a real reality check.
I have worked hard, I deserve to start living more and continue on where I left off four years ago when I left my long term relationship. While he and everyone else is still figuring things out and looking for everyone else to blame for their mistakes in life or lean on everyone else for their happiness I walk away from the dramatic chaos and troubling feelings of being used, and gonna continue on the next phase of the unbeaten path, and start to climb some big hills. Otherwise how will I ever conquer the mountains I see in the distance?
~Ange
Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made To Her Thirties.
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