I couldn’t decide since I wrote my blog
reflecting on how my present job was a metaphor for fire: if it is a situation
of me putting out a fire? Or! Running from it?
In the end, I realize I am walking away with a rain cloud protecting me
along the way.
Most people I know do not like rain much. They like heat, they
like things HOT! They embrace it!
Until… like what is happening at present… lightning strikes the
ground making a fire and it spreads rapidly; because without rain everything is
so dry the fire can move over it easily. Even with heat lasting for too long
without a fire occurring people can get dehydrated, burned, head pains, and tummy
pains! Suddenly the heat without any rain is too much! And they take back their
statements pretty quick and ask where the rain is.
I guess most people think of rain clouds in a negative sense,
but not me. I grew up on a farm where I learned very quick as a tiny child that the
balance of weather is crucial for everything to thrive; not just for the farm
with all the animals and fields my grandparents cared for, but also the
forests, lakes, rivers, creeks and hills all us farm families in the region
were surrounded by. Overtime, as all us
farm kids grew up, we didn’t just see how important the need for rain was, we
felt it too. If the rain didn’t come when it was needed, we, like the lands,
were not ourselves. I would get grumpy,
annoyed and frustrated! I do get frustrated and annoyed even now when there is too much heat and not enough
precipitation.
For too long at work, the negative-angry-anxious-filled
atmosphere has surrounded everyone and everything is a lot like heat, like
fire… it could not be handled by just ignoring it or hoping it would go away (even
though I tried to douse I am still one person with a bucket of water against a
raging fire which is not going to cut it now is it?).
What was (and still is) happening at a place that was not always like
this, is not new to me; I have seen what is going on occur with family,
friends, and even with a couple of landlords of a couple of buildings I have
lived in. When the landlord was not
following through on their duties and were not paying attention (or maybe didn’t
care anymore), tenants and their guests in the building destroyed the atmosphere.
Suddenly home felt unsafe and uncomfortable for others to live in, furthermore,
you saw the building itself get wrecked as well.
If you don’t keep up a balance, some part of you, or many parts of
yourself, can get ruined. The fire
destroys, it just wants to burn when there is no dirt and water to make mud and
rub it out. Meaning, without enough good
people being proactive and coming together to problem solve, things get
wrecked, put out of balance. It’s hard
enough for one person taking care of their own life which is a smaller scale already, versus
larger spheres which require much larger groups to help. The larger the groups,
the more everyone needs to be on board on keeping things running, like a
well-maintained machine; it often take can only take one part to go before the
whole thing is not functioning as it should.
I used work as an example in my last blog, I am going smaller and going to use my own teeny-tiny life
as the example now; because if I am off on any part of my life then I am not
balanced and the whole thing doesn’t run as smoothly. The number one
thing that makes my life rocky is I go through a period of lack of sleep. After
just a couple of nights where I don't sleep well, bad things start to
happen. The more I don't get enough sleep as the week goes on, it gets
worse:
-I am weak
-There is a lack of focus
-I start getting annoyed easily
-I don't eat well
-I hate socializing
-Tasks and errands (even the super-duper important ones) start
to get neglected
-I lack empathy and sympathy for the rest of the world
-I get sick.
What it boils down to is after I get enough sleep and recover, I
am then scrambling to clean my home, get errands done and complete tasks on
time, I have no food in my fridge or cupboards, I have lots of phone calls and
messages to respond to because I need to let everyone know I am alive and still
love them, and I guilt trip myself for the next while. Lack of sleep, just ONE
aspect of my being that is quite necessary for me and should NEVER be neglected throws
my whole little kingdom out of order and will burn it to the ground if I am not
careful.
I have seen people, those
who are near and dear to me even, who live a life of crisis; in fact, they
appear to be in a perpetual state of it. There are always statements
like:
-"It’s the way I am"
-"There is always stuff that needs to be done."
-"If I stop it won't get done and then bad things will
happen."
-"Time is money."
-"It's like the world will end if I don't and I can't just
let it go. I can't!"
-"This is the way I prefer to live my life."
-"Work is what I am and what I do. This is who I am."
Yet, no matter what they say and do, I don't see them happy,
filled with joy, or ever optimistic or energetic, and rarely (if ever),
passionate about how they live like that!
I have shared with them techniques that could help for their
stresses or resolve problems, and encourage that they take time to pamper
themselves or even take a vacation and touch base with loved ones. But if they
don't want help, if they don't want to hear it because
they have lived this way for so long they can't turn off or they find benefits
(even negative ones) from this, people don't change (or even won’t change)! They will
continue to allow themselves to burn, be consumed by fire rather than step out
and let the rain fall down on them.
I never carry and umbrella. My best friend who carries an
umbrella whenever it rains always wants to share with me but I tell him it’s
not required. Because, like my life, I
need the balance of rain with heat: letting the rain pour over me makes me feel
rejuvenated, refreshed and calm; from the outside on my skin, toward the inside
of my body, right down to my soul. You
can often catch me closing my eyes and tilting my head to the skies with my arms
stretching out. Embracing it!
~Ange.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
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