Oh Lord help me I am going home!
In giving up my career and leaving the city for a time (I am fortunate enough that I can keep my apartment and go home) I am spending time with family in very close quarters while reassessing where I want my life to go from here. My family, and me, together again, for who knows how long... how is this going to go?
I thought after my last day, and last weekend in the city and at work that I would definitely start feeling the anxiety or even be terrified of so much change. Alas I don't.. or it just hasn't totally sunk in yet! Huh.
I get bursts of excitement mixed with a wave of questions popping up in my head from time to time, but other than that it has been more of a ride of relaxation along with the realization of how right this path is despite having no clue as to what I am going to do career-wise and how soon I will be back to the city.
My family and I are crazy in case you didn't know, and the mix of me being away from my much larger playground to a much more rural area with my loving, coddling, cuddly and nutty family may not be the best mix.
However, I made this decision. And as one of my older, and I'd like to think (or hope) wiser cousins put it we need more time together as a family during good periods of our lives rather than when there is a death or near death events occurring in our lives. I couldn't agree more.
My family will get their wish that we all may regret: me home for a long while... how much of one another can we handle before one or all of us may decide to kill one another? We shall see.
As a result of this huge and almost unusual turn of events in my life, (one I have chosen), I am chronicling to keep my sanity and hopefully give you all a good laugh. Perhaps you can relate to my family and our insanity too!
~Ange.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
Showing posts with label About Me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label About Me. Show all posts
Saturday, 26 July 2014
It's Important To Tell Others How You Feel About Them - July 23, 2014
Wednesday, I had realized with each day passing to the end of my time at my job, and soon leaving the city for a time to be with my family, I wanted to make sure that the families I had worked with for so long and had such a strong, positive rapport with in my career knew I was never going to forget them; nor the major impact each of them had on me in my time with them. Saying goodbye was going to be hard enough, but not ending it the way I wanted to would've been harder.
I created tiny gifts for each other them and wrote down my fondest memories of each of them and how I would remember them forever. I wanted them to know the way they changed me and made my life so meaningful.
I also bought things that I knew meant something between myself and the staff I was closest to and the bosses.
Even if I was leaving because of the negative haze that hung in the air that they can't seem to push out, I didn't want to leave things on a dark note. That's just not me, and I don't want to be like that... ever. To live a life and in a world that is like that is so wrong to me, and I might as well kill myself if that's the type of atmosphere I could never escape from and be exposed to for the rest of my life. That's why I was leaving, because I knew myself enough that to work in such an environment would eventually destroy me from the inside out.
I am glad I laboured and loved every minute I spent in my creations. I wanted, no, needed to do that. In the end it was not only something I needed, it turned out the people I was giving it to needed it just as much.
Life is not long enough to fill it with grudges, resentments, regrets, and anger more than love, care, and kindness; and it is definitely not in my nature to dwell on darkness. In doing so, I have made better relationships and connections a life filled with joy and with very little regret.
~Ange.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
I created tiny gifts for each other them and wrote down my fondest memories of each of them and how I would remember them forever. I wanted them to know the way they changed me and made my life so meaningful.
I also bought things that I knew meant something between myself and the staff I was closest to and the bosses.
Even if I was leaving because of the negative haze that hung in the air that they can't seem to push out, I didn't want to leave things on a dark note. That's just not me, and I don't want to be like that... ever. To live a life and in a world that is like that is so wrong to me, and I might as well kill myself if that's the type of atmosphere I could never escape from and be exposed to for the rest of my life. That's why I was leaving, because I knew myself enough that to work in such an environment would eventually destroy me from the inside out.
I am glad I laboured and loved every minute I spent in my creations. I wanted, no, needed to do that. In the end it was not only something I needed, it turned out the people I was giving it to needed it just as much.
Life is not long enough to fill it with grudges, resentments, regrets, and anger more than love, care, and kindness; and it is definitely not in my nature to dwell on darkness. In doing so, I have made better relationships and connections a life filled with joy and with very little regret.
~Ange.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
Superpowers? - July 21, 2014
On this day, I wished I had super powers...
As a child I had wished to grow up to be a super hero. Like She-ra, or Superman!
When I grew up and realized that would not happen, I was disappointed.
However, in adult hood, my nicknames from loved ones, acquaintances and coworkers have been: Angel, and Superwoman.
One former coworker and I had tea the other day as we discussed life changes and where we saw our futures and she said to me, "Did anyone ever tell you you're like Superwoman? Because I watched you every day when we worked together and you are like that.. Superwoman!"
I realized that some of those childish, innate desires of saving the world and making a difference had never really left me. I would not realize until later in the week of just how much I impact those around me.. until that Friday...
But on this day, I had thought about super powers and what I would have, if I could. I have wanted to be able to be:
-telepathic
-super strong
-super speedy
-bullet proof
-be capable of invisibility
-influence things of nature and animals.
I guess it would be handy in every day life to have those because of the things I could take care of in my own life. Then I think about what I could do for others. Lives that could be saved. I guess I will never change. I am still that kid who wanted to grow up to be Superman!
~Ange.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
As a child I had wished to grow up to be a super hero. Like She-ra, or Superman!
When I grew up and realized that would not happen, I was disappointed.
However, in adult hood, my nicknames from loved ones, acquaintances and coworkers have been: Angel, and Superwoman.
One former coworker and I had tea the other day as we discussed life changes and where we saw our futures and she said to me, "Did anyone ever tell you you're like Superwoman? Because I watched you every day when we worked together and you are like that.. Superwoman!"
I realized that some of those childish, innate desires of saving the world and making a difference had never really left me. I would not realize until later in the week of just how much I impact those around me.. until that Friday...
But on this day, I had thought about super powers and what I would have, if I could. I have wanted to be able to be:
-telepathic
-super strong
-super speedy
-bullet proof
-be capable of invisibility
-influence things of nature and animals.
I guess it would be handy in every day life to have those because of the things I could take care of in my own life. Then I think about what I could do for others. Lives that could be saved. I guess I will never change. I am still that kid who wanted to grow up to be Superman!
~Ange.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
Monday, 14 July 2014
Fun Facts of the Week - July 14, 2014
I prefer:
...Texts to social media sites
...Emails to texts
...Handwritten letters to emails
...Phone calls to letters.
...Sitting with people face to face to phone calls
...And most of the time, hugs over handshakes.
~Ange
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
...Texts to social media sites
...Emails to texts
...Handwritten letters to emails
...Phone calls to letters.
...Sitting with people face to face to phone calls
...And most of the time, hugs over handshakes.
~Ange
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
Saturday, 12 July 2014
Single. By Choice. Clearly - July 12, 2014
I honestly cannot tell which has been the worst reaction by
loved ones or acquaintances… When I was getting in a relationship? Or when I
have been single?
I think I will save the tale of when I got into a
relationship for a later food-for-thought-moment, and for now just focus on the
present status I uphold, which is being single.
Being single is a problem for others, but not for me. Here is how.
First off, I have noticed that as soon as I have one thing
in common with another person (often someone I have NEVER met) my family
member, friend or acquaintance figure I should be introduced to them. Second, people who are uncomfortable with
being single are therefore always uncomfortable for me; despite their life is
there’s and mine is MINE, they make an attempt they try to FIX the situation
for me. The forced act of hooking me up with someone lasts mere seconds when
they realize I won’t stand for such silliness! Third, they fear I will die
alone, even though I am only thirty; though from their point of view, being
over thirty years old is all the more reason I need to get into a relationship.
The final argument is that they feel there may be something wrong with me
because I am clearly making no moves to find someone to be in a relationship with.
Given the type of person I am, why am I going to go out with
someone I have never met based on one common personality trait or interest? There is so much more to any of us than one
thing. It’s like with my gay friends, I would never set any of them up together
because none of them have anything in common at all. Yet I cannot believe how many folks will try
and convince their friends who like the same sex to go out together just
because they are gay. I have always felt that personality, interests and life
goals are important. Well, at least I know that for myself.
The latest is people keep mentioning to me that they should
hook me up with someone they love or care about because they love anime, and so
do I. I have been hearing this one for
almost a year now and it fascinates me.
No one even bothers to ponder if we even like the same type of anime,
let alone take a look at anything else about myself or the other person who I
have never met. I feel sorry for the
people I never met who I am being convinced to date, because if feels more like
their family or friends who care or love them are trying to give them away at a
market or something. It is very awkward. And it’s so awkward I don’t even want
to share the conversations I have had with them here because it makes me
uncomfortable at how silly they sounded. Come to think of it, perhaps it is
even similar to a setting in court room where someone is trying to win an
argument over a case? Anyway, I digress.
For those in my life who have to be in a relationship to be
happy, I love them no matter what. However, just because they are uncomfortable
with being single, does not mean myself and the rest of the world is
either. I know it can be hard for some
people to look and even empathize from another’s point of view in how they feel
or see the world, even their wants and desires; so I don’t get too angry with
them. I just politely point out the
differences between us. It’s only if they come after me with a negative
attitude or attack my character based on insecurities within themselves that
maybe I get firm, maybe angry, and persuade them to calm down. You wouldn’t believe how people get defensive
when I am not upset by my single life! Here I thought my twenties were bad!
I am in my thirties, single, and making no moves to change: this is what I hear cried out!
First of all, I will be thirty-three soon and I cannot
change that. You may be able change your
identification, tell people a different age than you actually are, and that’s your
choice. For me, I am going to be thirty-three and I wouldn’t have it any other
way because this is a fact of who I am. I accept it, and love it. I also do not think of this age as old at
all. I think of it as a blessing; praying
and hoping that I get another day, another week, month, year, and decade,
before I die. I have been surrounded by death and near deaths of loved ones in
the past two years which has been very rough on us all. Especially when I have
been quite aware of my mortality since my twenties, so now I am more aware. Life is so short, precious, and too wonderful
to take for granted. If I die tomorrow I die knowing that I did have a great
love once, but I also had the love and support of my family and extended
family, and many friends and acquaintances.
And! That life was full, happy and exciting. This does not mean I am not open to the idea
of dating or being in a relationship again one day, contrary to popular belief.
I am more of the get-to-know someone, become friends with people, and if down
the road I find myself realizing that perhaps I would like to date or become
more than just friends with someone I know, then, perhaps I will no longer be
single. That’s the way it was the last
time, and I have always been aware of how I like things to move for me when it
comes to the idea of getting into relationships.
Therefore, I am single. Clearly by choice.
~Ange.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
A Lonewolf - July 9, 2014
Being a lonewolf.
I began to label myself as lonewolf long ago in my late teens when a few classmates referred to me as one. Then my friends expressed an agreement in that statement as well. Though I am not sure of how many other people out there would want to say they are a lonewolf, my instincts tell me that there are a good number of us. Alas, I find there are perks to being a lonewolf, well, in the way that I consider myself to be one anyway.
I admit that there are many people in my life who are confused by the amount of time I can spend alone. They have even expressed surprise at my life filled with things I will do by myself. These people are family members, coworkers, and even the closest of friends. From my view it is not confusing at all, nor bad. I like that time, I cherish it very much. In writing about this, perhaps it will help others to understand about the way someone they know or care about spends a lot of alone time; maybe you have labelled them as a lonewolf.
I am aware of other ways people, maybe society in general, use the word lonewolf, but... I am focusing on people, who, maybe like me, appreciate a large portion of our lives to being on our own in using the term lonewolf.
Most words or statements I have usually heard about someone like me spending so much time alone are:
-Lonely, sad
-Antisocial
-Introverted and non-communicative
-Don't do anything really fun.
I could never give you a percentage of my alone time versus socializing periods, but the scale tips towards time by myself, that's for certain. I know I am not sad, nor lonely. I have met other people who have felt they require much of their time being alone, and I did not recall them being sad or lonely. Quite the contrary, they were very animated. They even seemed to be the life of the party. Very chatty! Even when I am with others, I am a BIG talker myself. I talk a lot; non-stop sometimes. I ask many questions because I am actually very curious about the world around me, especially about other people; I love learning about others. I know they say, "curiousity kills the cat," but alas, I cannot help it, and I have not been murdered or have had any horrible accidents as a result of it. Clearly I have not been murdered, as I am writing away here. Obviously! Furthermore, when I get time to spend with my loved ones, I am thoroughly excited and it feels wonderful to be with them. After all, I love them!
These are the factors I know effect my lonewolf ways:
-depending on the number of people I am with,
-the period of time I am with them,
-as well as the type of setting for socializing
Those three factors are the key to a good estimate of the amount of time I am going to be spending alone afterward. Particularly if I am with people for more than one day in a row, and I go from one thing to another for more than two days, then its going to be that much longer where I go away. I will give you an example for a busy week for me:
One night I had dinner with friends, second night I attended a workshop, and the last night I went out with a group to see a movie. I was a homebody after that movie night for two weeks.
Another good example is when I was nine years old. I went to a summer camp for only about a week, but after that trip into the wilds with a whole bunch of people, I didn't socialize with friends or extended family for almost two months. My parents were a bit concerned as I recalled when my pals would call asking to hang out and I made no move to go out. I barely talked to my parents even. I had just talked, worked with, and had learned about surviving in the wild with a group of a dozen people for a week; and it was amazing, fun, and one of the best times of my life, but, I was tired and needed my space for a good long while after that. It's the way of my lonewolf personality.
When I have that time to myself, I am able to recuperate, I get to be silent, have my space, and do whatever I wish to do. After I am rejuvenated; mind, body and soul.
The response I have gotten from certain parties is:
-concern for my health and well-being
-I have a screw loose
-I need to get out more
-If it was them having all that alone time it would be very, "depressing." A very dear friend of mine told me, "If I am not around people for about 98% of my day it makes me just want to slit my wrists," and they dramatically made the gesture to their arms of slicing them open.
So far I do not seem to have anything wrong health-wise. I have never been told I need someone to check my head to see if all the screws are in place, though I maybe I should because I never knew I had screws up there until I was told that. I do go out, everyday for hiking and walking and it doesn't matter what the weather is. However, if there was a natural disaster occurring, obviously I would stay inside, or, try to get away as fast as I could in a vehicle. I do not feel depressed for being alone or for any other reason for that matter; but if I did I would seek out loved ones and professionals to help me with that before I took a sharp object to my arms. Even if I felt compelled to slit myself I would faint as I start to cut anyway I am sure, because some situations where I see blood are not good for my head.
For those reading you may already know, based on previous blogs, that I live in a city. Not exactly a place to be a lonewolf, however, it gives me the life I want and offers anonymity. Could it be that I grew up in rural areas? Small communities where everyone knows each others business? Surrounded in life by many who gossiped? Yes, all those things could very well have something to do with it. However, back to how I love to learn about other people, I also meet many folks out here who teach me so much, including about other cultures. Definitely not antisocial!
Now for the final argument, I do not do anything fun!
Apparently, unless you are hiding out in basements and working on little projects or video gaming all the time you are lonely and there is something wrong with that. I think these thoughts are hilarious on a very personal level as most of my bedrooms growing up took place in basements where I gamed and worked on my hobbies much of my time. I relished those years, and how much fun I had tinkering on all those things.
But what do I do for fun? ...Especially these days while many of my friends, even some family members and acquaintances enjoy clubs, bars, and parties.
I go to:
-libraries and bookstores
-cafes and restaurants where I love the food and live music
-historical sites
-places that I love walking and hiking around
-movie theatres
At home:
-writing
-reading
-art projects
-play video games
-stretch
-pray and meditate
-research
That is fun to me. And what is fun to me is not fun for everyone else. It's the way the world is. Nor do I judge others on what they do for fun, unless their activities are doing damage to them or hurting other people then I would feel the need to step in. All any of us would like is acceptance and understanding, no matter how little or great the time we are spending with others, or what we do for fun.
~Ange.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
I began to label myself as lonewolf long ago in my late teens when a few classmates referred to me as one. Then my friends expressed an agreement in that statement as well. Though I am not sure of how many other people out there would want to say they are a lonewolf, my instincts tell me that there are a good number of us. Alas, I find there are perks to being a lonewolf, well, in the way that I consider myself to be one anyway.
I admit that there are many people in my life who are confused by the amount of time I can spend alone. They have even expressed surprise at my life filled with things I will do by myself. These people are family members, coworkers, and even the closest of friends. From my view it is not confusing at all, nor bad. I like that time, I cherish it very much. In writing about this, perhaps it will help others to understand about the way someone they know or care about spends a lot of alone time; maybe you have labelled them as a lonewolf.
I am aware of other ways people, maybe society in general, use the word lonewolf, but... I am focusing on people, who, maybe like me, appreciate a large portion of our lives to being on our own in using the term lonewolf.
Most words or statements I have usually heard about someone like me spending so much time alone are:
-Lonely, sad
-Antisocial
-Introverted and non-communicative
-Don't do anything really fun.
I could never give you a percentage of my alone time versus socializing periods, but the scale tips towards time by myself, that's for certain. I know I am not sad, nor lonely. I have met other people who have felt they require much of their time being alone, and I did not recall them being sad or lonely. Quite the contrary, they were very animated. They even seemed to be the life of the party. Very chatty! Even when I am with others, I am a BIG talker myself. I talk a lot; non-stop sometimes. I ask many questions because I am actually very curious about the world around me, especially about other people; I love learning about others. I know they say, "curiousity kills the cat," but alas, I cannot help it, and I have not been murdered or have had any horrible accidents as a result of it. Clearly I have not been murdered, as I am writing away here. Obviously! Furthermore, when I get time to spend with my loved ones, I am thoroughly excited and it feels wonderful to be with them. After all, I love them!
These are the factors I know effect my lonewolf ways:
-depending on the number of people I am with,
-the period of time I am with them,
-as well as the type of setting for socializing
Those three factors are the key to a good estimate of the amount of time I am going to be spending alone afterward. Particularly if I am with people for more than one day in a row, and I go from one thing to another for more than two days, then its going to be that much longer where I go away. I will give you an example for a busy week for me:
One night I had dinner with friends, second night I attended a workshop, and the last night I went out with a group to see a movie. I was a homebody after that movie night for two weeks.
Another good example is when I was nine years old. I went to a summer camp for only about a week, but after that trip into the wilds with a whole bunch of people, I didn't socialize with friends or extended family for almost two months. My parents were a bit concerned as I recalled when my pals would call asking to hang out and I made no move to go out. I barely talked to my parents even. I had just talked, worked with, and had learned about surviving in the wild with a group of a dozen people for a week; and it was amazing, fun, and one of the best times of my life, but, I was tired and needed my space for a good long while after that. It's the way of my lonewolf personality.
When I have that time to myself, I am able to recuperate, I get to be silent, have my space, and do whatever I wish to do. After I am rejuvenated; mind, body and soul.
The response I have gotten from certain parties is:
-concern for my health and well-being
-I have a screw loose
-I need to get out more
-If it was them having all that alone time it would be very, "depressing." A very dear friend of mine told me, "If I am not around people for about 98% of my day it makes me just want to slit my wrists," and they dramatically made the gesture to their arms of slicing them open.
So far I do not seem to have anything wrong health-wise. I have never been told I need someone to check my head to see if all the screws are in place, though I maybe I should because I never knew I had screws up there until I was told that. I do go out, everyday for hiking and walking and it doesn't matter what the weather is. However, if there was a natural disaster occurring, obviously I would stay inside, or, try to get away as fast as I could in a vehicle. I do not feel depressed for being alone or for any other reason for that matter; but if I did I would seek out loved ones and professionals to help me with that before I took a sharp object to my arms. Even if I felt compelled to slit myself I would faint as I start to cut anyway I am sure, because some situations where I see blood are not good for my head.
For those reading you may already know, based on previous blogs, that I live in a city. Not exactly a place to be a lonewolf, however, it gives me the life I want and offers anonymity. Could it be that I grew up in rural areas? Small communities where everyone knows each others business? Surrounded in life by many who gossiped? Yes, all those things could very well have something to do with it. However, back to how I love to learn about other people, I also meet many folks out here who teach me so much, including about other cultures. Definitely not antisocial!
Now for the final argument, I do not do anything fun!
Apparently, unless you are hiding out in basements and working on little projects or video gaming all the time you are lonely and there is something wrong with that. I think these thoughts are hilarious on a very personal level as most of my bedrooms growing up took place in basements where I gamed and worked on my hobbies much of my time. I relished those years, and how much fun I had tinkering on all those things.
But what do I do for fun? ...Especially these days while many of my friends, even some family members and acquaintances enjoy clubs, bars, and parties.
I go to:
-libraries and bookstores
-cafes and restaurants where I love the food and live music
-historical sites
-places that I love walking and hiking around
-movie theatres
At home:
-writing
-reading
-art projects
-play video games
-stretch
-pray and meditate
-research
That is fun to me. And what is fun to me is not fun for everyone else. It's the way the world is. Nor do I judge others on what they do for fun, unless their activities are doing damage to them or hurting other people then I would feel the need to step in. All any of us would like is acceptance and understanding, no matter how little or great the time we are spending with others, or what we do for fun.
~Ange.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
Tuesday, 8 July 2014
What's Happening Lately - July 7, 2014
Here is a summary of what has been happening since I turned thirty, and a little bit more of a background on myself to start things off.
I grew up in rural areas of Canada; mainly on our family's farm and in small towns.
I am the oldest of three girls, with a large age gap between my sisters and I. We share the same parents who were told very early on in their married lives that due to our Mom's health she would be unable to have children. So, I was a surprise, my first sister was a surprise as well, and our youngest sister was the only one our parents planned for and succeeded in conceiving the first try. Which to this very day humours the youngest of our trio because she refers to us as follows:
Me: Big surprise!!!
Middle child: Woah! Lucky again!!!
Her: What were they thinking? You planned me?
I take it as a huge sign from the Big Guy in the universe that He had other plans for our parents, despite that the doctors could show a medical history that could prove to my Mom and Dad that their three girls shouldn't even exist! Alas, we do!
As of present, I am single, and have been for two and a half years and counting.
I have only dated, been in a relationship, and expressed my love in all ways possible to ONE person, ever. During the best of times in our relationship it was amazing; I felt like the luckiest person in the world. Then when things were at the opposite end, it was just too sad and hurtful. I should clarify that is was not so bad that it was absolutely toxic, nor was there ever a need for authorities to be involved or anything like that. But there were things that arose that made it difficult for us to be together anymore. I had always thought if it ended it wouldn't be me who would want it to end. But it was.
Furthermore I was surprised at how quickly I was over him. I never thought I would be that type of person whose love would dissipate so fast after a breakup, especially after being together for a long time. In fact, I used to look down upon others who were able to get over someone they had been with so quickly. I think I understand a little more clearly now as to why that is the case for some of us. However, I can only share from my point of view, due to my own experience.
I gave it my all. I did everything I felt I could possibly do to fix the bad that would rear its ugly head throughout the relationship. It was the only reason, in the end, I was able to walk away from the one I used to love with all my being, and quickly let go of that love.
I think it has only been recently that I am actually feeling any sort of desire to be open to the possibility of being with someone again. I think it has been due to a mix of: the unknown of the dating realm; the many crisis' my loved ones and I have faced in the past few years; and just enjoying life in the good times as much as I can (living in the moment). Now much of this will be rapidly changing due to a couple of major life-changing decisions I have made recently.
One is that in less than a month I will be leaving a job that I have been dedicated to for the past several years. I decided I needed to leave due to being burnt out, and to escape a working atmosphere that has become very foreign to me, and quite negative. It now seems to be a place that is in a perpetual state of crisis and drama. Second, is taking a lengthier vacation than I normally would, to spend time with my family, AND, reassess my life and where I go from here.
This can be summed up in three words since I made this decision:
Terrifying
Exciting
Relaxing
I typically do not do well without work, and spending long periods of time with family. Nor do I do well far from the life I have carved out for myself in the city. This all can be difficult for me.
However, I have felt my instincts and my spirit telling me for some time now that this is what I need to do. Otherwise the state of the workplace on top of personal crisis' with my loved ones is going to chip at my energetic, optimistic, happy-go-lucky self until I am so dark and cynical that I will be called an Ice Queen instead. This could lead to no one wanting to be around me; not even my loved ones.
Plus, my family and friends have been through so much. I can see myself getting into a situation where I have become so hopped up on my own issues that I may lose touch on what is happening with those I love.
Since making the decision I have felt the great weight lift; and my heart, mind, and soul all sync up and relax into a perfect balance. Even when I have moments of questioning, "What have I done?" I hear that still, quiet, strong voice in my head saying, "whatever will be will be." Either I am really crazy, or this was really meant to happen. Only time will tell.
~Ange.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
I grew up in rural areas of Canada; mainly on our family's farm and in small towns.
I am the oldest of three girls, with a large age gap between my sisters and I. We share the same parents who were told very early on in their married lives that due to our Mom's health she would be unable to have children. So, I was a surprise, my first sister was a surprise as well, and our youngest sister was the only one our parents planned for and succeeded in conceiving the first try. Which to this very day humours the youngest of our trio because she refers to us as follows:
Me: Big surprise!!!
Middle child: Woah! Lucky again!!!
Her: What were they thinking? You planned me?
I take it as a huge sign from the Big Guy in the universe that He had other plans for our parents, despite that the doctors could show a medical history that could prove to my Mom and Dad that their three girls shouldn't even exist! Alas, we do!
As of present, I am single, and have been for two and a half years and counting.
I have only dated, been in a relationship, and expressed my love in all ways possible to ONE person, ever. During the best of times in our relationship it was amazing; I felt like the luckiest person in the world. Then when things were at the opposite end, it was just too sad and hurtful. I should clarify that is was not so bad that it was absolutely toxic, nor was there ever a need for authorities to be involved or anything like that. But there were things that arose that made it difficult for us to be together anymore. I had always thought if it ended it wouldn't be me who would want it to end. But it was.
Furthermore I was surprised at how quickly I was over him. I never thought I would be that type of person whose love would dissipate so fast after a breakup, especially after being together for a long time. In fact, I used to look down upon others who were able to get over someone they had been with so quickly. I think I understand a little more clearly now as to why that is the case for some of us. However, I can only share from my point of view, due to my own experience.
I gave it my all. I did everything I felt I could possibly do to fix the bad that would rear its ugly head throughout the relationship. It was the only reason, in the end, I was able to walk away from the one I used to love with all my being, and quickly let go of that love.
I think it has only been recently that I am actually feeling any sort of desire to be open to the possibility of being with someone again. I think it has been due to a mix of: the unknown of the dating realm; the many crisis' my loved ones and I have faced in the past few years; and just enjoying life in the good times as much as I can (living in the moment). Now much of this will be rapidly changing due to a couple of major life-changing decisions I have made recently.
One is that in less than a month I will be leaving a job that I have been dedicated to for the past several years. I decided I needed to leave due to being burnt out, and to escape a working atmosphere that has become very foreign to me, and quite negative. It now seems to be a place that is in a perpetual state of crisis and drama. Second, is taking a lengthier vacation than I normally would, to spend time with my family, AND, reassess my life and where I go from here.
This can be summed up in three words since I made this decision:
Terrifying
Exciting
Relaxing
I typically do not do well without work, and spending long periods of time with family. Nor do I do well far from the life I have carved out for myself in the city. This all can be difficult for me.
However, I have felt my instincts and my spirit telling me for some time now that this is what I need to do. Otherwise the state of the workplace on top of personal crisis' with my loved ones is going to chip at my energetic, optimistic, happy-go-lucky self until I am so dark and cynical that I will be called an Ice Queen instead. This could lead to no one wanting to be around me; not even my loved ones.
Plus, my family and friends have been through so much. I can see myself getting into a situation where I have become so hopped up on my own issues that I may lose touch on what is happening with those I love.
Since making the decision I have felt the great weight lift; and my heart, mind, and soul all sync up and relax into a perfect balance. Even when I have moments of questioning, "What have I done?" I hear that still, quiet, strong voice in my head saying, "whatever will be will be." Either I am really crazy, or this was really meant to happen. Only time will tell.
~Ange.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
Who I Am, and About This Blog - July 6, 2014
My nickname is Ange, I am about to turn thirty-three! Hurray! I celebrate and rejoice in having made it this far; because in the past five years I have known many people both younger and older than me that have passed away before it seemed to be their time. I feel very fortunate to have made it this far. Reflecting that I have made it to thirty-three years makes me feel very blessed and ever-so grateful. I am truly thankful.
On a corny note about this age, I can hardly wait to start saying that number. 33!
Now, about this blog...
I am either really brave, or really silly for creating a spot where I am about to share a lot about myself and my life experiences. Perhaps others will also want to read and share here as well.
What I am sharing is merely what I have learned about myself and my own little world around me along the way; which means this probably feel more like my, "thoughts of the week," or, "thought of the day," as well as a tool for me to reflect about everything in my life as I continue on my journey! Much like an open journal I guess is the best way to put it. ~Ange
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
On a corny note about this age, I can hardly wait to start saying that number. 33!
Now, about this blog...
I am either really brave, or really silly for creating a spot where I am about to share a lot about myself and my life experiences. Perhaps others will also want to read and share here as well.
What I am sharing is merely what I have learned about myself and my own little world around me along the way; which means this probably feel more like my, "thoughts of the week," or, "thought of the day," as well as a tool for me to reflect about everything in my life as I continue on my journey! Much like an open journal I guess is the best way to put it. ~Ange
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.
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