Then I was way out in the middle of nowhere at my grandparents' farm, where I could sleep, eat, and work hard with them. Mostly Grandma and I found ourselves resting, chatting and catching up and napping in between. Then we would find the energy to do some work, then go back to resting. It's exactly what I needed, and I think she did too.
Both of us are hard working women, and sometimes having others, and in our case each other, to validate that we are okay to relax and rest and ignore the world's expectation of us for a couple of days.
In that time, I had much to reflect on already, and I am not even halfway through my break. Nothing I thought of triggered stress nor caused me anxiety, but I was glad to sift the entire mess in my head and figure some things out that weighed on me. Now it doesn't weigh, and what I choose next in life I pray is for my betterment and others; even those who may rage against my change because they lose out of their own personal gains, but I want my life back, I know what feels right to me and what I need to do:
In my old age I have come to get better at being eloquent in my diplomatic way of telling loved ones and friends some hard truths, rather than just being assertive and holding my ground politely. Verbal aggression and making people sting are only required when they need a real reality check, but that comes after the first round or two of people just not listening to me or others and thinking they can bully themselves into getting what they want. So I remind myself of this: I can do it, and tactfully unless otherwise. Then the time comes, which is very soon, I have to do just that, and I believe I can do it well. My biggest critic which is myself is having less of a say these days and I am trusting myself more that I can do right without the constant pessimism of things possibly going bad every time I have to do something like this.
That I deserve to try to love another again, take on my hobbies and side projects without so much interruption of fixing others problems that are so easy to work on and remedy, even if they believe they don't have to put in any work for themselves, or, they think any work is too hard.
In the next year I will take travels overseas on my breaks. Learn about the world more, be in awe and be taught by others of what life is like for them.
Appreciating the fact that I know how to rest and relax and take time away from the hectic atmospheres in certain parts of my life. That I still know how to take a vacation.
I am pretty good at fighting the monsters of this world.
I will finish writing my book. Finish my poetry collections for print. Complete my series of short stories. Be a better writer.... THIS ONE IS THE BIG FOR ME!!! :)
Copyright 2015 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made To Her Thirties.