Saturday, 12 July 2014

A Lonewolf - July 9, 2014

Being a lonewolf.

I began to label myself as lonewolf long ago in my late teens when a few classmates referred to me as one. Then my friends expressed an agreement in that statement as well.  Though I am not sure of how many other people out there would want to say they are a lonewolf, my instincts tell me that there are a good number of us. Alas, I find there are perks to being a lonewolf, well, in the way that I consider myself to be one anyway.

I admit that there are many people in my life who are confused by the amount of time I can spend alone. They have even expressed surprise at my life filled with things I will do by myself.  These people are family members, coworkers, and even the closest of friends.  From my view it is not confusing at all, nor bad.  I like that time, I cherish it very much.  In writing about this, perhaps it will help others to understand about the way someone they know or care about spends a lot of alone time; maybe you have labelled them as a lonewolf.

I am aware of other ways people, maybe society in general, use the word lonewolf, but... I am focusing on people, who, maybe like me, appreciate a large portion of our lives to being on our own in using the term lonewolf.

Most words or statements I have usually heard about someone like me spending so much time alone are:
-Lonely, sad
-Introverted and non-communicative
-Don't do anything really fun.

I could never give you a percentage of my alone time versus socializing periods, but the scale tips towards time by myself, that's for certain.  I know I am not sad, nor lonely.  I have met other people who have felt they require much of their time being alone, and I did not recall them being sad or lonely.  Quite the contrary, they were very animated.  They even seemed to be the life of the party.  Very chatty! Even when I am with others, I am a BIG talker myself.  I talk a lot; non-stop sometimes.  I ask many questions because I am actually very curious about the world around me, especially about other people; I love learning about others.  I know they say, "curiousity kills the cat," but alas, I cannot help it, and I have not been murdered or have had any horrible accidents as a result of it.  Clearly I have not been murdered, as I am writing away here. Obviously! Furthermore, when I get time to spend with my loved ones, I am thoroughly excited and it feels wonderful to be with them. After all, I love them!

These are the factors I know effect my lonewolf ways:
-depending on the number of people I am with, 
-the period of time I am with them,
-as well as the type of setting for socializing

Those three factors are the key to a good estimate of the amount of time I am going to be spending alone afterward.  Particularly if I am with people for more than one day in a row, and I go from one thing to another for more than two days, then its going to be that much longer where I go away. I will give you an example for a busy week for me:

One night I had dinner with friends, second night I attended a workshop, and the last night I went out with a group to see a movie.  I was a homebody after that movie night for two weeks.

Another good example is when I was nine years old.  I went to a summer camp for only about a week, but after that trip into the wilds with a whole bunch of people, I didn't socialize with friends or extended family for almost two months.  My parents were a bit concerned as I recalled when my pals would call asking to hang out and I made no move to go out.  I barely talked to my parents even.  I had just talked, worked with, and had learned about surviving in the wild with a group of a dozen people for a week; and it was amazing, fun, and one of the best times of my life, but, I was tired and needed my space for a good long while after that. It's the way of my lonewolf personality.

When I have that time to myself, I am able to recuperate, I get to be silent, have my space, and do whatever I wish to do. After I am rejuvenated; mind, body and soul.

The response I have gotten from certain parties is:
-concern for my health and well-being
-I have a screw loose
-I need to get out more
-If it was them having all that alone time it would be very, "depressing." A very dear friend of mine told me, "If I am not around people for about 98% of my day it makes me just want to slit my wrists," and they dramatically made the gesture to their arms of slicing them open. 

So far I do not seem to have anything wrong health-wise.  I have never been told I need someone to check my head to see if all the screws are in place, though I maybe I should because I never knew I had screws up there until I was told that.  I do go out, everyday for hiking and walking and it doesn't matter what the weather is.  However, if there was a natural disaster occurring, obviously I would stay inside, or, try to get away as fast as I could in a vehicle. I do not feel depressed for being alone or for any other reason for that matter; but if I did I would seek out loved ones and professionals to help me with that before I took a sharp object to my arms.  Even if I felt compelled to slit myself I would faint as I start to cut anyway I am sure, because some situations where I see blood are not good for my head.

For those reading you may already know, based on previous blogs, that I live in a city.  Not exactly a place to be a lonewolf, however, it gives me the life I want and offers anonymity.  Could it be that I grew up in rural areas? Small communities where everyone knows each others business? Surrounded in life by many who gossiped? Yes, all those things could very well have something to do with it.  However, back to how I love to learn about other people, I also meet many folks out here who teach me so much, including about other cultures.  Definitely not antisocial!

Now for the final argument, I do not do anything fun!

Apparently, unless you are hiding out in basements and working on little projects or video gaming all the time you are lonely and there is something wrong with that.  I think these thoughts are hilarious on a very personal level as most of my bedrooms growing up took place in basements where I gamed and worked on my hobbies much of my time.  I relished those years, and how much fun I had tinkering on all those things.

But what do I do for fun? ...Especially these days while many of my friends, even some family members and acquaintances enjoy clubs, bars, and parties. 

I go to:
-libraries and bookstores
-cafes and restaurants where I love the food and live music
-historical sites
-places that I love walking and hiking around
-movie theatres

At home:
-art projects
-play video games
-pray and meditate

That is fun to me. And what is fun to me is not fun for everyone else.  It's the way the world is.  Nor do I judge others on what they do for fun, unless their activities are doing damage to them or hurting other people then I would feel the need to step in. All any of us would like is acceptance and understanding, no matter how little or great the time we are spending with others, or what we do for fun. 

Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.

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