Saturday, 12 July 2014

Single. By Choice. Clearly - July 12, 2014

I honestly cannot tell which has been the worst reaction by loved ones or acquaintances… When I was getting in a relationship? Or when I have been single? 

I think I will save the tale of when I got into a relationship for a later food-for-thought-moment, and for now just focus on the present status I uphold, which is being single.  Being single is a problem for others, but not for me. Here is how.
First off, I have noticed that as soon as I have one thing in common with another person (often someone I have NEVER met) my family member, friend or acquaintance figure I should be introduced to them.  Second, people who are uncomfortable with being single are therefore always uncomfortable for me; despite their life is there’s and mine is MINE, they make an attempt they try to FIX the situation for me. The forced act of hooking me up with someone lasts mere seconds when they realize I won’t stand for such silliness! Third, they fear I will die alone, even though I am only thirty; though from their point of view, being over thirty years old is all the more reason I need to get into a relationship. The final argument is that they feel there may be something wrong with me because I am clearly making no moves to find someone to be in a relationship with.

Given the type of person I am, why am I going to go out with someone I have never met based on one common personality trait or interest?  There is so much more to any of us than one thing. It’s like with my gay friends, I would never set any of them up together because none of them have anything in common at all.  Yet I cannot believe how many folks will try and convince their friends who like the same sex to go out together just because they are gay. I have always felt that personality, interests and life goals are important. Well, at least I know that for myself.

The latest is people keep mentioning to me that they should hook me up with someone they love or care about because they love anime, and so do I.  I have been hearing this one for almost a year now and it fascinates me.  No one even bothers to ponder if we even like the same type of anime, let alone take a look at anything else about myself or the other person who I have never met.  I feel sorry for the people I never met who I am being convinced to date, because if feels more like their family or friends who care or love them are trying to give them away at a market or something. It is very awkward. And it’s so awkward I don’t even want to share the conversations I have had with them here because it makes me uncomfortable at how silly they sounded. Come to think of it, perhaps it is even similar to a setting in court room where someone is trying to win an argument over a case? Anyway, I digress.
For those in my life who have to be in a relationship to be happy, I love them no matter what. However, just because they are uncomfortable with being single, does not mean myself and the rest of the world is either.  I know it can be hard for some people to look and even empathize from another’s point of view in how they feel or see the world, even their wants and desires; so I don’t get too angry with them.  I just politely point out the differences between us. It’s only if they come after me with a negative attitude or attack my character based on insecurities within themselves that maybe I get firm, maybe angry, and persuade them to calm down.  You wouldn’t believe how people get defensive when I am not upset by my single life! Here I thought my twenties were bad!
I am in my thirties, single, and making no moves to change: this is what I hear cried out! 
First of all, I will be thirty-three soon and I cannot change that.  You may be able change your identification, tell people a different age than you actually are, and that’s your choice. For me, I am going to be thirty-three and I wouldn’t have it any other way because this is a fact of who I am.  I accept it, and love it.  I also do not think of this age as old at all.  I think of it as a blessing; praying and hoping that I get another day, another week, month, year, and decade, before I die. I have been surrounded by death and near deaths of loved ones in the past two years which has been very rough on us all. Especially when I have been quite aware of my mortality since my twenties, so now I am more aware.  Life is so short, precious, and too wonderful to take for granted. If I die tomorrow I die knowing that I did have a great love once, but I also had the love and support of my family and extended family, and many friends and acquaintances.  And! That life was full, happy and exciting.  This does not mean I am not open to the idea of dating or being in a relationship again one day, contrary to popular belief. I am more of the get-to-know someone, become friends with people, and if down the road I find myself realizing that perhaps I would like to date or become more than just friends with someone I know, then, perhaps I will no longer be single.  That’s the way it was the last time, and I have always been aware of how I like things to move for me when it comes to the idea of getting into relationships.  
Therefore, I am single. Clearly by choice.


Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.

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