I always liked to keep diaries growing up, but it hasn’t been until the past three years that writing has become such a daily occurrence; like an itch I need to scratch, or just a need. I have gone from not only writing my thoughts and feelings in various styles of notebooks on a daily basis, but also putting it out there online too. Due to lack of internet around me these days I may not post each entry I write up in my books to my blog on that very day, but I put it up there as soon as I have access, immediately. I just enjoy writing every single day now in any form I can. If I miss a day to sit down and write because other things in life are more urgent and require my attention I feel like a hole got punched in me, like a part of my day is missing and unfulfilled.
Some of the benefits for me to write versus telling someone else is the cost, the fact I can ramble on without a time limit, I also fear the thought of coming across anyone (both in personal and in professional realm) who may be quick to pass on pills as a solution (I have many people around my life who have been asked to use pills when they shouldn’t have been so of course I am cautious), also scheduling a day and time to meet a professional always works around their hours whereas writing tools and paper are usually readily around me, finally I prefer face-to-face venting with family and friends instead of strangers who will also give me hugs, kisses and hold my hand.
When I use a journal, it last weeks and costs me about ten times less for a session with someone whereas I can have more than one session daily on paper with a pen then read and reflect on my words and work on solutions. Sometimes a journal or notebook never costs me a thing, for a lot of people buy them for me. I am extra lucky. The nice thing is, if it was never enough, I know there are those great professionals out there to help me who are trained, have sharpened their skills, knowledgeable, and resourceful. I get interested in many topics and love to research and learn about things I want to know more about, but someone else could refer me to resources that I may not know about.
As for pills, I unfortunately know of more people who were given pills with some side effects that were harder on the body than actually helping with their mental, emotional or physical health, hence why I am leery of health professionals sometimes for fear of being recommended to it. Though, I know when it has been prescribed and people who have been able to get on with life much better having them versus before when they were not, I still, worry.
I feel so comfortable with writing things on paper (even though I know I run the risk of someone reading them and seeing me in a different light because I write my deepest thoughts and emotions in there). Writing gives me the freedom to feel as if I wouldn’t be judged, I can totally ramble as much as I want, and there is no set-time for me; so I can say what I want, what I feel, even over again (repetitiveness if I need it) eventually until I am better. However, it would never hurt to have an outsider’s point of view, where it is very private and I know it is not likely that anyone else would know unless I wanted them to or if I ever felt uncomfortable turning to my loved ones; at this point in life I can’t imagine not being able to turn to those closest to me for strength and support.
We are a family that does keep in contact using cell phones, internet, social media sites and landlines, but we have all said we all prefer to be in each other’s presence rather than using all the above; we feel so much better when we are. Plus, I can easily get comfort and care through a hug, a kiss, hand holding, things I know I can get from them quite readily if I need it, and they know they can get it from me as well.~Ange.
Copyright 2014 Lucky 33: Stories, Experiences, Perspectives, and Opinions of a Woman Who Made It To Her Thirties.